(art journal page detail - digitally altered)
So I have to say thank you to all of you wonderful blogland friends for the hugs and prayers, support and wisdom, and just plain LOVE you give me everyday and especially when I express a need for it.
I haven't really said what I have been worried about for two main reasons. One is that this a challenge for David and I as a couple, and I wanted to maintain our privacy, as this is my blog, my blogland pals, and not his world so much.
The second was because I really, truly believe that if you keep the focus on what is wrong, you get more of it. So yes, I am being challenged by life's bumpy road, but I am choosing to focus on how to get over the bump rather than on the bump itself.
I talked to David about sharing a bit of what is going on and he was fine with that. He knows that my friends are concerned for me. I also was thinking a lot about what my darling
Sherry said, about how maybe sharing some of my "angst" as she called it could help someone else too. We are all in this together, right ?
That said,the bump we are working with is financial. Like so many people in this country and around the world, money is becoming an issue in our home. There are all kinds of solutions and permutations, and possibilities for surmounting this bump. None of them are completely clear right this moment and some of them are pretty low on the optimal scale. But today, I just know we will be okay. As a good friend who is facing some crises of her own told me yesterday, "If it ends up all going to pieces, we will still have each other, our dogs and kitties, and we will be okay." and that is so true.
So I am choosing today to celebrate a few things that are so good in my world, some wonderful Grace In Small Things, some of which are not small at all in my book. The bump...she is still there, but in this moment on my path, this is what feel like the right thing to do.
1. My neighbor Stephen wrote me am email in response to the card that I put in his mail box yesterday. He said he cried healing tears at this loving remembrance of his "Kath", and that my note helped him more that I could know. Hmmmm....my heart feels so good about this.
2. Acorns are everywhere on my walks with Chica. Are they not the cutest seeds ever ?
(a shot of some treasures from my walk)
3. David so appreciated lovely fall mum plant I left for him on the dining room table along with a mushy card saying how together, we can get through anything.
4. My friend Darlene is quitting smoking and I have become her smoking cessation coach ! Who would have thunk it ? Not Me, that's for sure. With love, laughter and much bitching where bitching needs doing, we will get her through this !
5. My blogland friends give me such love and appreciation that it blows me away. It feels like such a gift to have connected with women like these, loving, brave, funny, and so very talented. I get them, and they get me. What more could a Big Heart Walking ever want ?
(Big Heart on the back deck)
Here is a beautiful song for you, my Lovely Ones. Listen and know that you are loved by this Big Old Heart.Have grace-filled Wednesday !
What a beautiful song..and I love the stanza, "and after you've found your way, you won't owe me nothin' 'cause you're gonna know that your well will never run dry".
ReplyDeleteYou know I always valued and respected your privacy about your worries...yes, I assumed it was something you and your David were struggling through, and I knew that whenever you were ready to talk you would.
And there is a sense of relief and release in saying what that worry is, putting it on the table and saying "there, see, here you are my worry" and when you see it on the table, it's no longer the monster in the closet. And the worry part lessens and the ability to look at it, see it for what it is becomes clearer so that a solution seems even more possible.
I do love you, you big 'ole heart walking around...and I love that you let all of us in. Your friend was right -- no matter when and if everything falls down around our feet...we have one another. Together. Picking up the pieces, hand in hand...the more hands helping, the faster and easier the task becomes.
Much love to you and to your David. You'll weather this storm. You will. ♥
Hey Kim!! You are just amazing! We are with you in facing these challenges...It is so true that you have each other and I believe that one day you wake up and these tough days are memories full of reminders of how much you love each other and how strong you are when the going gets easier.
ReplyDeleteI also know the challenge of what to say and what to leave out...I think that's why I needed to move from my other blog...you've found such a great way to address it...I found I needed to get out of that room and into a different space...we all find our ways to rise and not focus on the hard parts too much.
Your neighbors response warmed my heart and soul and those acorns made my heart smile a giagantic smile...Hugs and love to you...a wand wave and my deepest wishes for things to fall beautifully into place so you can enjoy peace in all areas of your life...you deserve that.
Giant hugs and lots of love!! Jen
Hi Kim,
ReplyDeleteI'll be keeping you and David in my thoughts and prayers, it's true what you said: We ARE in this together and blogging is such a wonderful source of support and inspiration. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. You are a beautiful and 'real' person AND a "big heart walking".
You and David will be fine -- you have each other and Chica! You are doing wonderful things out there -- big heart walking! You Go Girl!
ReplyDeleteI am keeping you both in my prayers. If you need to talk, please let me know. I am putting something out here that I don't often share. Three years ago, we lost our home to foreclosure..being one of the first in this whole ugle mess in our country. It was the worst thing of my life in one sense, and I still suffer from a terrible sense of loss and have huge anxiety bouts. I am choosing to keep trying to move forward, one damn step at a time. In some senses, we are stronger than ever..but oh, those shakey moments. Many of my LJ friends carried me through emotionally. I'm here for you, okay?
ReplyDeleteBe still, my dear.
ReplyDeleteJAH will provide.
Sending lots of positive vibes your way.
Although times may be challenging, it will all work out.
one love.
Ah yes, money. It's an issue with most of us. The trickle down effect is still trickling down. The essentials boiled down, health, the ones you love.
ReplyDeleteit's such an amazing thing... you see that when we share our burdens we find that all of us open even more deeply... what we are so afraid of sharing we find strength and even more love because we DID share it...
ReplyDeletei doubt there are many of us not feeling the anxiety of these financial times in one sense or another... it has been, and continues to be, the biggest worry in my life too ...
it is a wonderful daily reminder to see the grace in the small things... to find peace in, and experience gratitude for, today's most basic of provision... to be strengthened in our sharing, to truly love one another by encouraging one another and taking on one another's burdens... in so doing it makes them just a bit lighter for each one of us...
thank you for opening your life and your heart even wider... you do so beautifully... and thank you to your husband for being okay with your opening... we really are all in this together...
xo
I think it is so great that you chose to celebrate the SO GOOD things in your life! Beautiful attitude!!
ReplyDeleteThere are so many people who are struggling with financial problems right now. I will keep you in my thoughts each day and hope for a solution.
ReplyDeleteI think our blogs are ours to do with as we like....we can share as much or as little as we please, and that's the beauty of them. And without fail the people I've met in Blogland have all been so supportive with me and with others. It truly is a beautiful, caring community.
I applaud your braveness, Kim...sharing with us something so deeply personal. But sometimes just getting the words out, to share with someone else, lessens the burden a bit.
ReplyDeleteKeep your chins up, look at the sky, see the beautiful...as you usually do. I hope the solution becomes clear to you...and you can get back to life without the worries!
All the best, my blogging friend!
Roberta
Money wraps around every bit of our worlds, but when we unravel that, for all sorts of reasons, we find what is true and meaningful, like a big heart. I pray your way will be made smooth, and your answers are already coming. The blessings are what matter, and you get this.
ReplyDeleteLove and blessings to you,
arlene