Thankfulness Thursday - Heart Healing

So I awoke this morning to a really bad nightmare. (Or a day mare, I guess as it was just before 6:00am). The dream was so vivid and horrible and hard to shake off. I woke up sobbing and shaking. David took me in his arms and held me, which usually works to banish any bad dreams away, but this one kept flashing in my head and making me feel all the feelings of the dream over and over.

The dream was about my Dad. I have dreamed of him being hurt or even dying many times since he died 14 years ago. I have also dreamed of him "visiting"me and where things are peaceful and sweet, but most often, when I dream of him, it is in this traumatic way.

It makes sense to me as his dying was the worst thing that has even happened to me. I was only 30 when he died. He left us much too soon. I also had my share of issues with him that I have gone on to try and resolve on my own. I have always said that my Dad was the person I loved the most and also hated the most in my life. I know now that the hate is over and healed but he still was the most challenging relationship of my life.

So why is this a topic for Thankfulness Thursday or my Weekly Gratitude piece ?

Because today, and every day, I am so grateful for our incredible ability to heal ourselves.

This morning, as I described the dream to my mom, I realized that we are coming into the exact time of year when my Dad was dying. He died on March 3rd. The month of February was full of trauma and fear and uncertainty that year as we went through the process with him. It is strange how some years the pain is worse than others - some years it has been close to pain-free. But this year, I obviously needed to heal some more of that big hurt and my whole being - even my unconscious mind, was going to make sure I did it !

This morning, I had a good, deep, cry for the loss of my Dad. I asked those unanswerable "why ?" questions. I was sad. I mourned a little bit more. I did a page in my journal in honor of the day's feelings. I lit a candle to send a message of love to his spirit. I know I am going to continue this process throughout the day and for as long as I need to.

Today, I used my heart, my mind, my body

and my being's incredible powers for healing,

and I healed one more little piece of

that big, big, hurt.

And for that,

I am very thankful.

I know I am usually a much more upbeat type of blogger, but I am also a honest one. While I try to focus on what is right in my world, I also don't want to ignore or deny the harder stuff we all face in this life. I think we have a lot of work to do to help one another mourn better in this society. Feeling those feelings of hurt and loss is a natural part of our life as human beings, just as feeling joy and love are. While I am not grateful for the hurt or the loss, I am grateful of the places that healing the hard stuff takes me to.

It's all part of being a Big Heart Walking, I guess...

Wishing you sweet moments of healing too, Beautiful Ones...