Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Light and love, Baby. Light and love…

Looky here !!!!

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Yes !

That is the sunshine and blue sky above the gorgeous green maples

I get to watch everyday outside my studio !

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I have to tell you that this sunny day means a lot to me and my morale.

I have been living in a place of worry, fear, and even moments of panic for the last few days.

I HATE IT WHEN I GO THERE !!!

I get kind of disgusted with myself, because in my heart and Soul, I really know better.

I just seem to let those old patterns take over sometimes.

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I really do believe that life will keep on sending those lessons to learn until we break those patterns and realize that they are no longer necessary.

Not sure if I got an A on this lesson this week, that’s for sure !

But I am working hard at bringing up my grade. Winking smile

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Anyway, the sunshine and warm day, like the end of May should be, is going to be a definite help in shaking off my “greyness”.

I did manage to do some art this week, in spite of feeling like crap. It was actually a nice escape from my own head !

This is the two page spread in Andrea’s lovely book for the Sistahood of the Traveling Sketchbook swap. The book will be on its way to Jennifer later today. I had to do something for the month of May and here’s what filled the pages :

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The two figures in the tulip represent my Mom and me.

My mom’s birthday is in May, as well as Mother’s Day and that makes the month especially significant to me.

My Mom and I have a very special relationship; one that grew out of some major healing on both of our parts,  and it has become like the phoenix, more powerful after the fires have burned away the past.

One of the most special moments in my life was when my Mom took me in her arms and rocked me, like you would a little girl with big hurts. I was in my late 20’s at the time.

Being an adult and accepting that sweet loving from my Mom went deep inside to heal hurts from my childhood. And for my Mom, I think it healed many of the regretful or guilty feelings she had had about some of her mothering skills when I was little.

What I do know for sure was that was a moment that deepened our connection, and made me open to an amazing, loving relationship with my Mom. For this, I will always be so very grateful for that moment in time.

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So today is Wednesday.

Friday morning, I am having my 4 wisdom teeth pulled under intravenous sedation.

I know everything will be fine so I won’t as for your prayers or wishes on that front,

but if you could add some sweet loving ju-ju to help me feel brave and let go of old fears that really don’t serve me well any more,

that would be appreciated beyond words.

May you be open to love in its many forms today, Beautiful Ones !

Happy Wednesday !

23 comments:

LuLu Kellogg said...

Sending you good JUJU!!!

I didn't have my wisdom teeth out until I was an adult and I did fine. I just told the doctor to hurry up because I was there to have a baby! Yup, I was under MAJOR sedation. The nurse told me I said that and they were all laughing. I also told them I had a wedgie!!! *gigglesnort*

Love,
LuLu~*xoxo

Sherry Smyth said...

You are getting prayers and love and white healing light and I am sending armfuls of ju ju that you will be a big girl, haul up your big girl panties and proclaim to yourself from today until Friday "I can do this; I will do this" because I KNOW that you can do it. I KNOW that you are strong. and I KNOW that you know this too -- deep down inside that great big 'ole rock fairy heart of yours.

I love the pages you created and the meaning behind them...beautiful.

And I love the sunlight and that it is brightening your greyness and that you are recognizing old patterns and doing what you will to recreate that and make them into "new" patterns. And I love that you do not beat yourself up when you go to the old patterns...it is what we do and what we know -- and when we put on the brakes as we make those false starts, we know -- I am going to be all right.

Love you much my friend ♥

Sherry Smyth said...

Take a page from LuLu -- tell them that they you have a wedgie!!! ROFL!!! Only LuLu....

And...enjoy that sedation...and remember "life is but a dream"........

Jeannine said...

I love the green and hot pink in these pages - full of freshness and energy!

Thinking of you today - best of luck with the extractions.

:)

Susie Riley said...

GORGEOUS art, girl! Love those vibrant limes and roses. Perfect to reflect this delicious day we are having today!

Love heals better than bandaids, especially mom love. Happy to hear about your healing. Keep moving in that direction!

Be brave on Friday. You can do it. You have it within you. It's always been there... We have all the gifts we need within ourselves: we only need the right vision to actually SEE them.

Sending hugs down to the Queen City to ya!
xoxos

beth said...

being a dental assistant and having had my own wisdom teeth out and taking care of both of my kids when they had theirs out, i wish i was closer so i could come over and baby you after your surgery.
xoxoxo

Dosfishes at Sparkle Days Studios said...

Glad the sun is out, the sun surely shines from your heart every day(even the grey ones), you will be aokay with the wisdom teeth, how many milk shakes can you sip? It's amazing what can be turned into a shake...I had all four of mine out at once too.....good juju coming your way. xox Corrine

artbrat said...

I love your spread so much. After reading the meaning behind the month it is even more incredible. You're very blessed to have such a special bond with your mom.

Wishing you lots of braveness and good juju.
-Brandy

Woodland Rose said...

Kim - your sharing your fears and upsets as well as the good and the beautiful helps all of us to heal and be real. Your ability to express your greyness and work through it to create your art is inspiring. I too share this experience and again am grateful to you because I no longer feel like I go through these periods of questioning alone. I will have a rum punch in your honor and imagine you giggling and healthy after the extractions. I went through this too. Piece o' cake compared to all the other stuff!

patti said...

You may have been feeling grey, but your pages are filled with vibrancy!

Use your steady nose breathing while you're in the dentist chair and dream yourself away to someplace nice. Be brave Kim - I'll be thinking of you!

jgr said...

Well, thank Goodness for the sedation! You are getting prayers from me !! And I love your journal pages.

Elena said...

And you have the nerve to say you're proud of me in my post?! Ha! Amazingly beautiful journal page and story about Mom. You will do great Friday. i had all four out at once too. Sedation helps alot. Like the idea of shakes mmmm. Huge hugs beautiful one, the grey skies will clear. I'm finding out they always do.

Susan Sager Brown said...

This is a beautiful post Kim. I love the colors and the feel of your pages, really full. Best of luck ju-ju being sent to you from NJ. xoS

Nadeja said...

My Kimmy! What's a mommy for?:) I love you so much and thank you for letting me be with you in this post. You are the best first daughter ever!!! Letting go of old fears is what seems to be in focus this week particularly. Let's go forward in love.
Always with you, Mom

Chel said...

<3 this post so much!

And as someone who is dental-phobic, getting my wisdom teeth out was the EASIEST procedure I had done. And that includes fillings and even x-rays (I hate those sharp xray bite thingees!) Deep breaths as you flow with the peace that will come via IV sedation. Then it's over- you don't even need to be "there" for the procedure! Just remember that ;)

*huge hugs*

EVA said...

Totally love your spread! It is absolutely gorgeous, Kim!!

I am sending happy and healing wishes your way! Get those teeth out and get it over with! Short term pain for long term gain. My daughter had the same thing in February - never any fun but all has healed and is forgotten. (It's taking me very long to become wise and I still have two left that they can't/won't pull.)

@Lulu - love that line!

Hope the sun's out for the weekend to help you heal!
xo
EVA

MissKoolAid said...

The spread is really beautiful and I think that you might have heard my thoughts when you did the Perfectly Imperfect rock because that's something I say to describe myself all the time!
Sending you good ju-ju québécois!
Hugs,
Sophie

Kate said...

Lots of Juju coming your way. Take care of yourself sweetie. Your page is lovely. We had sun today too. We are still getting only one day a week so I do try to appreciate it. we are having rain or snow tomorrow, hard to believe it is almost the end of May. I looks like it could be a different kind of summer. I am learning to live with that.

What a special moment with your mom we all don't get that so feel blessed because you are.

Hugs,
Kate

Olivia said...

Goodness, My Queen, you have a big day coming up. Sometimes we just feel like crap. I know I do. I felt like crap today. Still, we are Beautiful, and still Enough.

I am wishing you a Fantastic Friday, a Being Brave time, an experiment in letting go of those Old Fears and New Ones too.

I had my 4 wisdom teeth pulled. I've had a lot of other things done, and the good news is that as a 16 year old it was easy-peasy. Other more complex and less routine things have been harder for me since then, dentally. I just KNOW you will be fine, and you will get the chance to experiment with...REST...rest and rejuvenation. Self-nurturing. Self-care. Not keeping up with things. Not doing anything at all. And I know, know, know you will be fine.

What a blessing to have a Mom! Healing and afterwards, nurturance, and the realization that you both loved each other all the time, despite everything. My mom was my primary abuser and I imagine that if she hadn't died when I was 23 that we might have had this as well.

Peace and rest and progress (not perfection) to My Queen, xoO

slommler said...

You are getting prayers from me as well! I firmly believe in the power of prayer! So you will have mine for sure!!
Glad you and your mom enjoy such a wonderful and loving relationship! What a blessing!!
Hugging you
SueAnn

Marit said...

What a great and loving post and page dear friend! The love came shining through the computer screen!!!!
I will be with you in spirit on Friday... hold my hand then, 'cause I've been to dentists and specialists (having paradontites) a lot in my life and I'm not afraid of them ánd the pain whatsoever... think of me and and I will take over your fear & pain and blow it away with the Western wind.

laurie said...

best of thoughts and energy for you as you go through a necessary ordeal tomorrow. take good care of yourself while you heal.

deb did it said...

what a lovely tribute and story about you and your Mom. and no worries about tomorrow...I will light extra candles and maybe sip some extra wine for you!