Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Ants...


 I have issues.
 
With ants.
 
Teeny tiny ones. They invade my studio every few months. They drive me nuts when I see them running all over my workspace. They give me the heebie-geebies! 
 
This morning,  which began first thing as a vulnerable, raw emotion day, when I sat down at my table to try and meditate some brain monkeys away, and found the ants crawling, I lost it for a little while and started squishing every ant I saw. There were maybe a dozen in and under my stuff on the desk.
 
Then this big wave of horror hit me.
 
I thought of Syria, and those people killed by chemical gas.
 
They were just making their way through their everyday life, and this gross huge force from above came and ended it all. And killed their babies too.  
Suddenly, I was sobbing.
 
 I felt like the action I took killing those ants was just like whoever sent that gas into the atmosphere in Syria. I cried for that helpless, horrific, inhuman event and for the dear souls that lived and died through it.
 
How can I not cry?
 
 We are one world. One heart. 

I'm not going to let myself get stuck in the horrors or the pain.
 
But I am going to feel them and acknowledge them.
 That is honoring this human experience we are all here to share.
 
Experiencing my grief,
I'll get back to my real work.
 
A little more scarred,
 
but ever more sure,
 
 that Love is the answer.

14 comments:

deb did it said...

oh Honey. I get this. I am sending you love and light...and ant free days of creativity !

gma said...

So hard knowing this is going on in our world. Horrible. Tears and prayers for all those suffering. Love to you Kim sweet gentle heart.

GoddessMychele said...

I love your beautiful, compassionate heart ❤️As you've lovingly told me before, feel what you need to feel so you have the strength to share your light which the world is in great need of. (I paraphrased a little.) Big hug to you.

jaci said...

Yes its good to let your emotions out...your ants dont know any better but to persevere.all life is prescious and it is hard to imagine a life such as these people have in this day and age..they are only existing if you can call it that..sad all the way around love you kim....

Nadeja said...

This world could use gazillions more like you my daughter. Someone who cares so much. You are a shining light, angel, Goddess, sweetheart and all around amazing human being. I love you my daughter.

Anne Philipson said...

Know exactly how you feel about the ants- I have the same guilt with cockroaches. Ahimsa & all that. You have that beautiful realization though about our place in the universe, human as well as non-human.

terri st. cloud said...

beautiful.....thank you!

beth said...

Hi sweetie....I understand your soft, tender and loving heart!!! Here's a heart to heart hug!!!

Now let's get rid of those ants! Have you tried maple syrup on a piece of tin foil and placed in a jar/can/little box laying on its side? Usually this works as their little bodies get stuck in the syrup and they die...and it draws them all to one place....

Chel Micheline said...

My (newly-converted Buddhist) heart can understand what you are feeling very, very much. <3 Sending love and light to you and the way in which you carry and hold the suffering of others. Sometimes being alive in this world, which can contain so much light AND shadow at the same time, can be a mighty big task for those who feel so deeply for others, whether they be humans or ants. <3 My truest wish is for suffering to end for ALL beings. I want that so deeply it literally hurts.

(Here’s an ant tip, that won’t hurt them: If you lightly touch the ants with the edge of a paper towel, they actually run back to where they came from and go back outside. Then if you can find the source of the trail, you can seal it off. That’s what I have to do in my bathroom. Before I wash the floor every day I look around for any stragglers and “touch” them so they can get out before I scrub the floor and possibly injure them. Oh, Florida living…)

radio flier said...

I appreciate you, your voice, and your heart. So happy to see you via blog, fb, or whatever. Love.

Marit said...

I checked your blog regularly and I'm so glad to find another post from you today! It's heart these days to cope with everything that's going around in the world... so much anger, suffering, big mouths and war... there are a lot of days that I stay in my atelier, don't put on the news and don't want to see other people... but then I read your words and realize that I don't want to be cynical. You make the world more beautiful, people like you make it worth living and connecting. I love you my sweet friend!

WrightStuff said...

A nice analogy and very powerful. I was walking in the forest day and it seemed alive with ants. It was THEIR place, not mine. I was a guest, yet I still stepped on them, because I was more powerful, because it was easy to ignore them. We need to take better care of everyone and everything. xx

Kate Robertson said...

Kim,

Oh I feel for you today. I have some ant issue in the spring, but it usually because I have been eating and messy in my basement. I know that I would take to my journal to express that pain. I know I would love seeing you blogging again on a regular basis. I have started again as well. Blogging is really different from the Facebook and Instagram posting. I find that I ue the other vehicles to lead back to my blog. I hope you continue to post.

Much Love,
Kate

Laura said...

A bodhisattva moment dear one.