"Keep Walking" Art Journal page from March 2009
Rumi Poem - click to enlarge
So I am feeling a little less sad today. My sadness is justified, real and kind of related to family and old patterns and stuff that I choose not to share here so as not to hurt anyone or to cast blame anywhere, because no one is to blame for any of it...not even me ! ;) Learning to feel emotions but not let them control my entire world or even my day is kind of a new thing for me but it feels really right. I have learned a lot of tools recently that are helping me do this. Things like trying to keep my thoughts in the here and now, calling a good friend and letting is all out for a while, losing myself in the moment by playing in my art journal and just reassuring myself that this is all okay.
Maybe this sounds like something that should come easier than this to some of you, but as someone who has been extremely depressed in the not so distant past, really strong "negative"emotions are kind of scary for me still. I don't want to go back to that dark place. I am really proud of me for how far I have come and how much I have learned about how to stay more healthy emotionally. And that is how life is, isn't it ? When you think you have finally learned something true, the universe send something to test you on it ! So far, I know I have learned the material and I am passing the test !
Something happened this morning that helped me feel cheered, loved and humbled way more than sad ! My incredibly talented friend Marsha from Tumblefish Studios created a piece in my honor called the "Queen of heArts". It is so beautiful ! She actually used my face and did her Marsha collage magic to create an image of Rock Fairy Love that blows me away ! Not only did she make a gorgeous pieces of art, but she wrote a post about me that touched me to my very core.
Life is so very, very good, you know. Love is the answer to every question, right ? And when you put a little bit of yourself out there, the gifts of love that come back to you are enough to leave you completely in AWE.
When I wrote my Love Letter to Blogland last week, it weren't no lie ! The connections that I get to make here are real and so very dear to me. How lucky are we, Bloggers ???So very, very lucky...
As I said yesterday, I am leaving for a week-long trip to Montreal and to Mont Tremblant tomorrow. I won't have much access to computer while I am up there (my sister in Tremblant only has access to dial-up in her mountain home !), so I will catch up with everyone next week when I get back.
This is probably my last post until then so I wanted to take part in a fun Tuesday project that Lesley at the Funky Art Queen is hostessing. It is the second annual Ten Tiny Things Contest. Lesley challenges us to take a photo of ten tiny things around the house, link the photo to her blog and on Sunday, she will decide a winner for the best photo and list ! Winner gets a sweet Funky Art Queen prize yet to be named !
Here's my shot :
Ten Tiny Things - June 2009
1. Green Stretchy Alien with Broken Antenna 2. Little Man 3. Little Man's Yellow Jeep 4. "be you" Rock 5. 16MG Memory Card 6. tiny purple flower (unknown name) from my garden 7. Silver Angel Charm 8. Glass Heart 9. Gold Unicorn Charm that I got when I was twelve from my godmother 10. black key from 7Gypsies
So there you have it ! I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week and keep those lovely Blogland home fires burning while I am away, okay ? I will look forward to warming myself by them when I get home !
18 comments:
Loving your 10 tiny things...LOVING what Marsha did for you...it's as beautiful as you are!!
The lessons you are learning come one step at a time. The fear of going back to the dark place is so real and so valid and completely understandable that you don't want to lapse and go back there. I think you are only moving forward..you take the time to make sure the lessons are learned and are solid within you and then you keep going. My heart fills with joy for you Kim!!! ♥
Wishing you a lovely time on your vacation...find your joy in the mountains!!
Hello my Queen! I think in our middle years, depression is more common than you think. Not that that helps, but maybe you will feel better knowing you are not alone in just about any incident, situation, or relationship - you will find a whole lot of people that can relate and are walking the same path. Especially with family issues - there is a new phase we go through the older we get - independence kind of sneaks up, backs away, jumps out and bites you and then runs away and hides again. We teeter between needing our families and needing to not need them. We're all together in our individual struggles. As I've said before, when I am feeling blue, I remember to remember that if I didn't have the sad times, the happy times wouldn't be near as good. You are learning your own ways through this too, and your willingness to share with the rest of us help us on our journeys too. We are all a sum of our experiences - all the bad things, sad things, good things, happy things, good people, not so good people, all of it has to do with the shaping of ourselves and pulling ourselves into focus and putting us where we need to be to get the next good part of life.
I'm glad you like your Queen piece. It should be waiting for you when you get home. Enjoy your trip. I'll be gone when you get back I think, so I'll have to try and catch up from Missouri again! Aargh . . . oh well, without Missouri I wouldn't appreciate L.A. so much! hee hee
marsha
I'm gonna miss you so much, but I hope that you have a grand time!
I feel what you're saying regarding being afraid of sadness after having been really depressed in the past....I never thought of it that way so you definitely hit the nail on the head for me!
I love the page that your friend did. SO beautiful!
Have so much fun Kim and I can't wait for the pics from your trip :)
Hugs and Love,
Jennifer
Sometimes the things you write are so deep and hit me at such an emotional level that I don't know how to communicate my feelings in writing. I just know that you are precious and unique with great insight. You keep learning how to cope with this life so you can help us honey. HUGS! LOVE your entry into the Tuesdays Ten Tiny Things. I really enjoy or online friendship.
Kimmy!
You are beautiful! I love your inner strength, courage, wisdom, and all around goodness.
You always were amazing and are becoming amazinger!!!:):)
I love you precious one.
oH, AND YES YOU WERE FIRST THIS YEAR AND LAST YEAR TO ENTER THE TUESDAYS TEN TINY THINGS. I THINK THIS ONE APPEALS TO YOUR PHOTOGRAPHY MUSE. XOXO
Love is the answer to every question --You are so right, right, right!
I am thankful for your presence in blogland -- you have an amazing heart, generous spirit and authenticity about you that invites others to shine!
xxooxx
Hugs Kim! I hope your trip will be a fun one and will rejuvenate you and give you a fresh perspective! Not that you really need one... You're doing so fabulously. You are fabulous! And the piece in your honor is magnificent, like you :)
Hi Kim ~ Happy Vacation! Happy Friendship! Happiness abounds through you, around you ,,, and by acknowledging your feelings it frees you and empowers you. You go girl! Celebrate!
hope you are feeling better soon.
pause and BREATHE!
I always have to remind myself to do this, that these blue and dark places will pass... I just wish it was as easy to believe when we feel we are in the depths of those dark shadows!!!
may you return refreshed!
Hi, Kim! I agree with Marsha. Your words often brighten my day. I love seeing your journal pages and hearing your cheerful attitude shine forth! :-)
By the way, just wanted to letcha know I am now "following" your blog and will show up in your list of "followers". If you choose to return the favor, that would be spiffy, but you certainly don't have to! Hope you have a super week!
Kim, first of all, you are loved and lovely, brave and wonderful. I adore your journal pages, and better yet your honesty to share with us all. and oh that Rock Fairy collage....WOW! awesome ! Have a wonderful get-away and hurry back to play! We will miss you.
I have been in that place this week too. I love your art journal pages.
Hi, dear one! Before I go back to reading this post in even more detail (there's so much here, and I want to hear everything you're saying) I just wanted to say that I hope you're feeling better. You always amaze me! Even when you're down and out, you do your very best to share of yourself with us. And you always give us such gems when you share your insights. I really appreciate it because you know I know where you're coming from with the depression. I can never seem to get myself to do anything, though, when I'm in it. I get so that I don't care about anything. I am so very proud of you for the way you approach it all with love and light. Yep, love is the answer to every question! I hope you're having a wonderful time on your week away! ****Waves of love and joy to you, my beautiful friend *****
I've gone over to Tumble Fish and saw her wonderful tribute to you! It really portrays your playfulness and joyful spirit! You see? You're an inspiration to so many of us. Love, Serena
P.S. Ten thing tuesdays looks like fun!
I hope you are having a great week and can't wait to hear all about it.
Hey Kim,
I hope you enjoy your week away, and sister time.
The Queen of heArts artwork and tribute to you are beautiful, and wonderfully well deserved, as the sharer of heart and art that you are for so many of us here in blogland!!
Blessings to you as you recast patterns of your own making, in the present, with love, tears, courage and honor - and all the many elements that make up the authentic beauty of you!!
xox Karin
you have such a beautiful soul...I swear I can feel it sometimes in what you write...
spending an afternoon with you is on my to-do list...it will happen someday..I know it will !
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