I Can Fly With A Little Help from My Friends...

"Keep Walking" Art Journal page from March 2009

Rumi Poem - click to enlarge

So I am feeling a little less sad today. My sadness is justified, real and kind of related to family and old patterns and stuff that I choose not to share here so as not to hurt anyone or to cast blame anywhere, because no one is to blame for any of it...not even me ! ;) Learning to feel emotions but not let them control my entire world or even my day is kind of a new thing for me but it feels really right. I have learned a lot of tools recently that are helping me do this. Things like trying to keep my thoughts in the here and now, calling a good friend and letting is all out for a while, losing myself in the moment by playing in my art journal and just reassuring myself that this is all okay.

Maybe this sounds like something that should come easier than this to some of you, but as someone who has been extremely depressed in the not so distant past, really strong "negative"emotions are kind of scary for me still. I don't want to go back to that dark place. I am really proud of me for how far I have come and how much I have learned about how to stay more healthy emotionally. And that is how life is, isn't it ? When you think you have finally learned something true, the universe send something to test you on it ! So far, I know I have learned the material and I am passing the test !

Something happened this morning that helped me feel cheered, loved and humbled way more than sad ! My incredibly talented friend Marsha from Tumblefish Studios created a piece in my honor called the "Queen of heArts". It is so beautiful ! She actually used my face and did her Marsha collage magic to create an image of Rock Fairy Love that blows me away ! Not only did she make a gorgeous pieces of art, but she wrote a post about me that touched me to my very core.

Life is so very, very good, you know. Love is the answer to every question, right ? And when you put a little bit of yourself out there, the gifts of love that come back to you are enough to leave you completely in AWE.

When I wrote my Love Letter to Blogland last week, it weren't no lie ! The connections that I get to make here are real and so very dear to me. How lucky are we, Bloggers ???So very, very lucky...

As I said yesterday, I am leaving for a week-long trip to Montreal and to Mont Tremblant tomorrow. I won't have much access to computer while I am up there (my sister in Tremblant only has access to dial-up in her mountain home !), so I will catch up with everyone next week when I get back.

This is probably my last post until then so I wanted to take part in a fun Tuesday project that Lesley at the Funky Art Queen is hostessing. It is the second annual Ten Tiny Things Contest. Lesley challenges us to take a photo of ten tiny things around the house, link the photo to her blog and on Sunday, she will decide a winner for the best photo and list ! Winner gets a sweet Funky Art Queen prize yet to be named !

Here's my shot :

Ten Tiny Things - June 2009

1. Green Stretchy Alien with Broken Antenna 2. Little Man 3. Little Man's Yellow Jeep 4. "be you" Rock 5. 16MG Memory Card 6. tiny purple flower (unknown name) from my garden 7. Silver Angel Charm 8. Glass Heart 9. Gold Unicorn Charm that I got when I was twelve from my godmother 10. black key from 7Gypsies

So there you have it ! I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week and keep those lovely Blogland home fires burning while I am away, okay ? I will look forward to warming myself by them when I get home !

Tears Fall Down Monday

I am a little late today...


That is because I wasn't feeling it this morning.

I was feeling very sad.

Know what ?

It is okay to FEEL sad.

It is okay to feel sad some days and it doesn't mean that you are going to go back down to that deep, dark place.

There are just some things in life that are really sad.

I need to know that it is okay to feel it, to say I feel it, to share it with someone who gets it and gets me (thank you so much Dar - I love you !) and then keep moving on...

When you come back to this moment, it is all okay. I am sad but I am also okay...

And it is Monday so here we go...


FOR TODAY (Monday, June 22, 2009)

Outside my window...it is pissing rain again !!!!!!!!!!! That is anger, not sadness, lots of feeling going on today !

I am thinking...that I need to go back out in the rain and get some hamburger to make some spaghetti sauce and I don't feel like it.

I am thankful for...my friend Darlene, who was also having a bad morning and who is the best listening, commiserator, bitch time girlfriend I have !

From the kitchen...is supposed to be spaghetti sauce if I get off this computer and go and buy the hamburger and tomato paste I need.

I am wearing...a cute black t-shirt with ruffles, my jean capris, my "party on my feet" flip flops and two pig tails , not to mention perfect make up and all my funky jewelry - makes me smile on a sad day !

I am creating... permission for myself to FEEL what I feel, and not let it take over my world completely.

I am going...to finish this post and go and get the stuff at the grocery store, 'cause other wise I will feel crappy that I didn't.

I am reading...The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan. This is the 5th and final book of this Percy Jackson Series of kids books and I love the humor and style of it. Still looking for funny uplifting fiction to read so please give me any suggestions if you have them !

I am hoping...that the forecast for sunny weather in the 90's in Montreal this week is true as I am heading there Wednesday am.

I am hearing.... the rain, rain, rain dripping off the gutters, falling on the deck and the wind blowing it all around.

Around the house...it is dark, and seems like nap time for everyone except for me.

One of my favorite things...my two pigtails hairdo that I discovered this morning in my gloom. It may just be my new hairdo for the summer. Is 43 too old to wear two pigtails ? Good ! I always wanted to be a rebel ! ;)

A few plans for the rest of the week: make spaghetti sauce, pack and do laundry and clean the house tomorrow to get ready for my trip, leave Wednesday for one week in Montreal and in Mont Tremblant where I will get to see the sweet Katie and the rest of my wonderful peeps.

Here's 2 picture shots I am sharing :

Since I will be away for self portrait Wednesday, here's me with my new hairdo.

I like it ! The great thing about being an artist is

that you can kind of get away with this, right ?Maybe ?

Finally, here's the journal page I did today during my sadness. I really loved just being with the feeling and letting the page just happen. I felt lucky that I got to just play with my paints while I was feeling crappy and didn't have to really face anything else. I am very grateful for that time in the studio, just being, and feeling, am letting it out however it comes...

"Dealing with Tears" - art journal page, June 22, 2009

Click to enlarge...

"More than once, I've awakened with tears running down my cheeks.

I have had to think whether I am crying or whether it is

involuntary, like drooling." - Jenny Holzer

I hope your Monday is good. And if it is sad, or hard, or angry, I hope you let yourself feel that, and know that you are okay anyway. You are not broken. And you are not alone.

See ya tomorrow, a new day, right ?

Saving it for a rainy day ?

So yesterday was a rainy day.

A wet, humid, grey, dismal, sticky, icky, yucky day outside.

A kind of lonely, "I don't have any playmates", "oh poor me", first day of my period, day on the inside.

The silver lining on my rainy, rainy grey cloud ?

My paints and toys and my inner Queen of Arts were ready to play, as always.

I am so very, very grateful for that !

Here's what we made :

"I'm Just A Lonely Girl" - art journal page, June 19, 2009

( done in my art journal, a 9 X 12" Mixed Media sketchbook with watercolor paper in it, bought at Barnes and Noble, hand cut leaf stamp, Indian Ink drawing, Lumiere Metallic paint sheen)

And this one :

"Out of the Darkness" - art journal page, June 19, 2009

- body from Oprah mag photo, head from Anatomy Book Images found on Flickr, butterflies from wrapping paper, Maya Angelou quote

The sun is kind of out this morning. A reprieve before the rain returns for another few days later today, apparently.

That's okay.

I have been saving it up for some rainy days, it would seem.

Have a great weekend.

Too Much ...

rain !!!!!

and the Queen is ready to walk in the sun

(in her "party on her feet" shoes) !

Blah....

Guess what ?

art journal page - June 18, 2009

I learned this from Patti Digh and her partner, David Robinson

at their Circle Project teleseminar last night.

Now

I just have to believe it ! ;)

Don't those words feel good to know, though ?

You

Are

Not

Broken.

Ahhhh...

SP Wednesday - A Love Letter

Do you know how much I love you ?

I think you do.

You make me feel like you do.

Everyday...

You have given me a safe place to just be myself,

a place where I can shine

in all kinds of ways...

With support, encouragment and kindness,

you have helped me to believe in myself,

and my talents and strengths.

You have also taught me to really believe in the goodness in others.

To know that we all have a story to share

and that we are all in this together...

You have made me feel the wonder of what happens

when you really give love to another

and then feel the love return to you

one hundred fold....

You have allowed me to witness beauty in so many forms...

and creativity

and creation

that makes my heart sing with joy !

Oh, Blogland...

You

are

so

beautiful

to me...

Happy Self Portrait Wednesday !

here's a love song for you, my blogland friends !

Be kind...be kind...be kind...

First off, I would love to thank Olivia at happy luau for awarding me with the One Lovely Blog Award. Showing appreciation for the content and the message of blogs you love is a beautiful thing, through comments, through these awards and through mentioning some special stuff going in your own posts. So much Blogland Love ! Yay !

As a recipient of this award, I am supposed to list 6 things that are making me really happy right now, so here goes :

1. my family & friends and the lovey-dovey love I share with them

2. my furry animals - so cozy and sweet...though if they had a little less hair right now that would be okay by me !

3. my meditation practice...takes work to tone that muscle but man, it brings you good stuff !

4. more light in the evenings which means longer days, more time for socializing, for doing fun stuff, for enjoying life - I know the day has the same amount of hours in it but that extra light makes it seem like more time.

5. boring t.v. which makes it easier to turn it off and do something more meaningful and enriching- like read a book or make some art or play cribbage with my hubby !

6. giving out little gifts of love to the universe and feeling them come back a hundred fold...

I have a really hard time singling out recipients for awards - maybe I try and be too PC about it and worry that someone will feel left out. I have decided today to wimp out and award the Lovely Blog Award to all of Blogland - to blogger sharing themselves and their loveliness bravely and openly with all of us ! Consider yourself awarded !

Speaking of giving and receiving gifts, I wanted to share a recent lovely Blogland find of mine.

The sweet and oh so inspiring blog called kind over matter run by Amanda and Jen.

Their whole raison d'etre is to spread love and kindness. What could be better ? They post photos and inspiring quotes multiple times a day. They provide a place for people to share their acts of kindness to encourage others. They even advertise for free for blogland artists who are spreading kindness through their work. It is an awesome site !

These sweet chicks also provided a series of kindness quotation cards in PDF format and encouraged readers to document how they have used the cards and link back to them. That is what I decided to do yesterday.

Had to get rid of the grey rainy blahs somehow...sprinkle some colorful love on it seemed like the perfect solution...

I copied the cards, cut them out and then went to Color Town decorating some tags with little collages connected to the quotes (8 in all). I added some ribbons in rainbow colors and here's what I had :

see the sweet cards that Amanda and Jen made available on the tags ? (click to enlarge)

The kind over matter gals suggest leaving the extra bits of kindness cards wherever you feel like people could need it. I decided to bring the tags with me to meditation last night and give them as gifts the the ladies in the class.

I took pictures of the tags by the Buddha in the meditation room as my "proof".

The girls at the class really loved the tags. Each one of the 5 ladies present chose one based on the color that felt right for them.

And as for the Buddha,

I think he approved...don't you ?

I hope you get a little and give a little extra kindness today ! Happy Tuesday !

Saying Yes to Mondays !

FOR TODAY (Monday, June 15, 2009)

Outside my window...it is gray and wet and moist and waterlogged ! We need some sun, man , big time !!!

I am thinking...that my mood is very affected by the weather these days - sun=happy, lighthearted, rain = pensive, introverted, moody

I am thankful for...how perfectly cozy my bed is these day - smooth, soft, white cotton sheets, cool nights under the cotton blankets with my cozy man, deep, dream-filled sleeps...I like, I like !

From the kitchen...skipping this one today - not into the kitchen much except to wash my paintbrushes or grab an apple, a bottle of Smart Water or a granola bar...

I am wearing...grey sweat pants, a khaki green long t-shirt, night shirt thing, my green clogs...kind of match the weather...blah !

I am creating... a dream for my soul, shhh...it is just in the dreaming stage - fragile yet strong at the same time....not time to talk about it yet....

I am going...to go and shower early, put on some bright colored clothes and shake the gray away !!!

I am reading... (was reading until last night) "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult. Too much medicine, focusing on what is wrong, stupid sad ending,...I want a book that celebrates life, isn't too "Pollyanna" or "Walt Disney", and with lots of funny bits. Know any ?

I am hoping...that the sun comes out and dries out the waterlogged flowers !!!

I am hearing.... the blue jays squawking their "squeaky clothesline" squawk.

Around the house...the white dog hair from my crazy shedding pale Yellow Lab is driving me nuts !!!

One of my favorite things...are cherries ! And it is cherry season ! Now if only the price could come down a little - it's cherries, not rare black truffles from some truffle growing country !

A few plans for the rest of the week: meditation tonight, Playing With Blocks Teleseminar with Patti Digh and David Robinson on Wednesday night, and dinner and a movie with Sonia in there somewhere too.


Here's a picture shot I am sharing :

the condensation happening between the two panes of glass in my double paned glass door in the studio -

the condensation is a pain but its little love message was sweet !

Hearts, hearts everywhere ! Yay!

(Photo by David)

Here's a couple of journal pages to finish up for this morning :

"Calling All Angels" - the first in a new series of pages

about making my soul's dream come true...

(angel detail)

"You Possess The Light Within" - art journal page

inspired by "Life is a Verb" essay "Wear Pink Glasses", p.34

I did a photo transfer of a picture of myself printed onto acetate that kind of bombed. When I finished wiping it off with a paper towel , it left this "ghostly" imprint of the photo, so I went with it...

see ghost-me looking up with my shades on ?

This essay encourages us to

"Say YES"

to things to the possibilities in life,

to relinquish control a little,

to take what someone else offers without imposing your own choice on it...

What can you just say yes to today ?

Happy Monday !

What If Today was Your Last ?

I heard this song on the radio today for the first time and loved the lyrics. Then I came home and checked out the video - this blows me away ! There is such hope, you know, you just have to look for it.

It's never too late !

Be present in your own life

Today.

Making Your Soul's Dream Home

"Dream Home" - art journal page, June 10, 2009

Inspired by the "Life is a verb" essay - "Dress Up for Ed McMahon"

(see yesterday's post)

What is one thing you can do,

today,

to move towards making a dream of yours come true?

That is what I am asking myself. Being present in the here and now is awesome - it is making my life change one moment at a time. And I am soaking it all up, believe me.

But my soul wants something else as well.

My soul has a dream.

I am surrounding that dream with loving intention.

And every little, miniscule step I take brings it closer.

I can feel it.

Taking one micro-movement at a time.

Want to join me ?

Your soul says "Yes !"

SP Wednesday - "Dressing Up for Ed McMahon"

The fantabulous Patti Digh (who came to visit my blog and left a comment here - OMG - it made my year !!!) "Life is a verb" wisdom for today comes from page 163 - the "Dress Up For Ed McMahon" essay. Here is the "Do It Now Challenge" :

"Dream Big. But remember that unhappy people who win the lottery are just unhappy people in a bigger and more public way. So enter the contest, but don't gamble the life you are living now. Keep on living that life just the same. Make your own house your dream home because of the people in it, even with that peeling wallpaper in the upstairs bedroom. Let's live a life that doesn't need TV's validation, shall we ?"

So this morning, I dressed up for Ed, or for myself really, and placed the focus on living my life right now. Chica and I are ready for our close-ups, and I think I look Mah-vel-ous, Dahlin' !

As I said earlier this week, I am un-beiging my life. Not that I ever wear beige really, but metaphorically speaking, I am removing the beige from my wardrobe. I have decided to focus on finding ways to love what I wear in spite of not being very happy with the body the clothes are fitted on. That means adding punches of color - my bright colors, anywhere I can. Don't you love the new gauzy scarf and perfect beaded bracelet I bought in my bright, bright colors ? I do !!! They make me happy ! And they make me feel like the me on the inside on the outside !

So the belly is big...the boobs are sagging...the chin ain't as firm as it used to be...

but

(butt - not so great either :( )

but

I Am Here Today...

Bright, and Beautiful

An Artist, A Seeker,

and a Lover of Life...

Living My Life

just the same...

Go Dress Up ! Today is the Day ! Happy SP Wednesday !

When Momma's Happy, Mondays are Happy !

FOR TODAY (Monday June 8th, 2009 - Happy Birthday to my dear friend Lois !!!)

Outside my window...the sky is blue and the sun is shining - thank God the Weatherman is so wrong again !!!

I am thinking...it is so cool to wake up singing like I did this morning instead of how I was in January, waking up wishing I didn't have to face the day at all !

I am thankful for...waking up singing, like I did this morning, instead of how I was in January, waking up wishing I didn't have to face the day at all !

From the kitchen...paint brushes, rollers and rags drying in the sink after a weekend of re-painting our bedroom.

I am wearing...ha ! my red nightgown, my glasses and my green El Naturalista clogs, again...it is Monday after all !

I am creating... a new sanctuary in my bedroom that reflects me. I wanted light and airy yet colorful too , like the colors in some of my recent paintings (click here to see the piece I am using as inspiration !), instead of the beige/tan color I ended up with at the end of the winter. David agreed to paint a third color on the wall, though he did make fun of my "randomness" to the paint guy at Lowes a bit - justified I guess ! ;) As of this morning, I am totally in love with the new blank canvas of a room I have to work with !

I am going...to take my paints and my journal outside on the deck - I need to paint today !!!

I am reading... about so many of my woman friends in blogland learning to live in the present moment and being so grateful for life's gifts. These posts are so very, very inspiring and remarkable !

I am hoping...the weatherman is wrong again tomorrow as they are calling for rain and I need nice weather for a birthday lunch with Lois tomorrow !

I am praying ...that I continue to find the strength and the focus to wake up singing in the morning. :)

I am hearing.... the quiet of the neighborhood when everyone is gone to work and it is just me and the animals around.

Around the house...the dog is lying on the daybed waiting for me to get my act together and give her some exercise !

One of my favorite things...the new paint color in my room - "Sweet Slumber" - how perfect is that for a bedroom? A cool, icy blue with a hint of turquoise. So lovely with the crisp white and the pops of color I plan to bring in with accessories.

A few plans for the rest of the week: meditation tonight, lunch at my house with Lois tomorrow for her birthday, finishing the bedroom decorating slowly...

Here's a picture shot (or two - I can't resist !!!) I am sharing :

Here is the beautiful Poo-poo Head/Azzy sleeping on my bed - he loves clean blankets and sheets ! I think he approves of the new wall color.

Here is my side of the bed right now - see the gorgeous pillow with the Icelandic poppy on it painted and sewn by my friend Lo, and the funky lampshade made by yours truly ?

Hope this Monday makes you Mommas out there happy !

All that I am...

This week's journaling tip at amanobooks was "Know Thyself". One of the prompts on this great site was to take a picture of yourself, attach it to your journal page and then journal around it, thinking about how you would complete the phrase "I am...".


Here's what come about last night...

"And so much more..." - art journal page, June 3, 2009

Click to enlarge. Photo cropped and then printed on ink jet transparency. Transfered with Golden Gel Medium onto painted background. Text written with fountain pen and indian ink. White details done with Elmers Painter Markers - ultra fine tip.

I tried to concentrate on the positive things that I think I am, but a few negatives jumped in.

That's okay though, because it gives a more realistic picture of who I am to myself

and a reminder that I don't have to be perfect,

I just have to BE...

Digh-ed and Gone to Heaven...

I am so full up.

I don't even know what to write...

I was privileged to be a part of an incredible evening yesterday in Deerfield, NH, at the Lazy Lion Cafe, with the "Life is a verb" author, Patti Digh, our hostess with the most-est, Deb Kelley and a huge and wonderful cast of characters, not to mention my sweet, loving and supportive friend, Sonia.

We all got birthday cake candles from our pink tiara-wearing hostess, Deb. (If you read the book you know why - if you don't, check out page 29 - the essay called "Celebrate Every Orange Flag".) So perfect !

The Rock Fairy made an appearance...I brought little bags of "Rock My World" rocks for Deb and for Patti, a little thank you for making the evening happen. I also brought my bag full of loose rocks, thinking maybe they would come into play somehow, and make their way to anyone who wanted or needed some Rock love. Next thing you know, after giving one rock to Gigi, a cool chick I had a nice exchange with (her rock read "Be Here Now", so fitting !), the bag of rocks and I were making the tour of the room and everyone got one ! Oh, there was some sweet stuff at work...talk about getting your world rocked !

When Patti noticed me handing them out, she said "Oh, you're just like a "Rock Fairy" !" I replied, "That's the nickname a friend gave me recently !". That one is going to stick now, I think !

Patti read and shared herself and her funny, touching, real stories to a crowd of enthralled listeners, and there were many laughs, a few tears and hundreds of nods of understanding and connection.

The gratitude runs deep...

-to the universe for lining everything up to take place last night (including Patti's crazy flight delays !),

-to my own instincts that told me I had to be there,

-to Sonia for trusting me enough to come along on the adventure,

-to Deb for having the courage and the vision to ask for it all,

-and to Patti, for being so real and true in her intention to say "Yes" to life and all its wonders.

I feel like a new person today.

Like I have found the answer.

Like I always had the answer.

The answer to every question is

LOVE

And last night, that room of people, and I, and our guest, Patti, got a major dose of it. What I have included here only covers a small portion of it !

All I can say is read the book. Connect yourself with others who get the message. Be present in your own life. Celebrate the ordinary like it is extraordinary, because you know what ? It is !

Oh, and if you ever have a extraordinary chance to meet the most down-to-earth yet heavenly spiritual person I have ever met, Ms. Patti Digh, make sure you tell her that the Rock Fairy says " Hi, again!"

My signed copy of "Life is a Verb"

Patti Digh, at her book sharing, in Deerfield, NH, June 2, 2009

Sorry about the so-so photo - I was too enthralled to take pictures !

Buy This Book !!!