Thursday, August 6, 2009

Morning Glories...

(Art journal page - Knocking from Inside
August 2009)
So it looks like I didn't get that part time job. At least they said they would be in touch at the beginning of the week and it is now Thursday, which is the end of the week, right ? I could call them to check things out, but I think I already know the answer.

So this job...it was perfect in only a few ways ...

The part time hours fit my schedule so perfectly and I would still have time for all my own art stuff going on. Also it was in a familiar place, and it kind of fell into my lap. It would have meant just enough cash to make things easier around here financially - you know, cash for extras that has simply disappeared as the economy went into the crapper...

But did this job make my heart happy ?


No.

Did this job feel like it was a move towards my biggest dream ?


No.

Did this job feel like a place where I could really shine my light, and be seen for the bright light that I am ?

I don't think so.

Now, some people may say no job would do all of those things. In my true heart, I know that that is not true. I have had jobs before that have really let me shine, hard jobs with their share of crap involved, but that felt like I was moving forward in them, forward towards being a better me, and where I knew I was in the right place to make a difference.

When it started to settle in that I probably wasn't going to get this job, my first reaction was a return to an old pattern.


I started thinking "What did I do wrong ?"

"Why didn't they like me ?"


"Did I screw this up ?"


"Is David going to be disappointed that I didn't get it, and blame me ?"

Ewwww !


While I fought with these "insanity" thoughts, a voice came through it all from deep inside me.

"This was not the place for you right now."


"Your light needs to shine, you know that now.


The place for that is around the corner, if you just keep doing the work."

"You did not do anything wrong !"

Ohhhh, I love that voice ! It has been gaining strength over the past few months and man, is it better to LIVE with than those ugly insanity thoughts.

My lovely, lovely friend Sherry at Everyday Possibilities and I have been talking about the difference between learning some truths and knowing them.

Life keeps giving you the lessons to learn by until you finally KNOW. I am feeling like the KNOWing is happening this morning.

And that, my friends, is one hell of a Morning Glory !

(Morning Glories - from my back deck container garden)

15 comments:

beth said...

keep listening to that beautiful heart of yours...it has all the answers !

and I love that you can wear a bandana...too cute !

The Bodhi Chicklet said...

Hmmm. Yes. Often times we are disappointed things didn't work out the way we first wanted, then when the next thing happens we are happy that the first thing went what we thought, at the time, was awry. But my experience with jobs is that they rarely get back to you when they say they will. My advice is to let it go, let the need to know go as well, then you'll see how the answers come. Beautiful morning glories - one of my all time summer favorites.

Anne said...

Hi, Kim! Sounds like you made a big growth leap! I've always felt that if I didn't get a job it was for a reason ... perhaps not one that I knew about, but a good reason all the same. The right part-time gig for you is out there somewhere! Good luck! :-)

Janet said...

First of all, your art is fantastic! I love everything about this piece....the colors, the images, the words. As for the job, it wasn't the right one for you. If it had been, you would have gotten it. There's always a reason why things happen the way they do. Just be happy that your dream job is still out there and you're one step closer to finding it.

Kate said...

Kim,

I have to agree with Janet that your Art is fantastic. It literally glows coming off the page.

I love the lessons you learned here. Learning vs knowing is such a big step. its also like walking your talk which I have been trying to do lately. Found myself depressed yesterday and really had to say to myself what are the things you need to do to get out of this. Using the tools I have like you spoke of last week. I am not totally out of the funk yet but it looks promising today so I am glad I listened to myself and took action instead of wallowing in despair.

Kate

sherry ♥ lee said...

((((((((((Kim)))))))))))

You have learned and know so much...and sometimes we don't even realize how much we "know" until we are in a situation where it comes into play...like this one. It's like a light shining on your morning glories that just lights it all so well...the "I know this"...you just feel it inside.

You do know that you can call them to check...but accepting that this is the way things have been meant to unfold is like that giant leap. Many times what we don't get opens doors to what we are meant to have.

We can learn and we can know and we can accept. We can do this and will continue to do this because we are warrior women extraordinaire!!!! ♥

Carolyn said...

oh Kim you are in such a good place right now! I am so glad you are listening to the whispers of your heart and know that that job was not the one for you.
With a positive and beautiful attitude like yours you are gonna shine!

jgr said...

Kim,
Congratulations on all your "listening" and "knowing".

Jennifer said...

Wow! I was literally going to post yesterday about the "knowing" inside. I got sidtracked by a bunch of stuff and couldn't get to it. AMAZING!!! I was wondering if anyone else has has that feeling.

We had some disappointing things lately too, but I have that same knowing...I know that things are moving in the right direction. I know too that that fit, that "career" fit is there and I'll step into it (and the husband, who's looking) at the right time.

I'll send positive thoughts and prayers with you. I do career stuff in my day job and you are right not to beat yourself up. In the end, it's a mystery, but you have to follow that knowing.

Hugs to you!!

Snap said...

Love the morning glories -- Morning Glory Queen Rock Fairy! Sounds like you are leaping forward. Good for you! Beautiful art -- as usual!

littlescrapsofmagic said...

That's a wonderful voice...keep listening to it!It's very hard sometimes; I know. I think you're one amazing lady!

Julie Prichard said...

You have a great light, Kim...let it shine!

3rdEyeMuse said...

why yes, yes it is!

and that journal page is to-die-for (of happiness, of course) WONDERFUL!

Tumble Fish Studio said...

Knocking from the inside . . . so profound and powerful! Another amazing post - gorgeous brilliant glowing growing. Wow, wow, wow!

joanne said...

this is a beautiful post, and a beautiful page... with such amazing insights... it's so important to remember that all things are delivered to us in just the right way and in just the right timing... when the heart speaks, we need to listen... as one who is all too familiar with the thought that goes "why don't they like me", i am especially grateful for happening on this post today :)

beautiful morning glory, beautiful heart...