Then I slacked off. I left the tools where I had found them and returned to some old patterns...ones that didn't work for me before...and don't work for me now.
Anyone will tell you that if you fall off the wagon, you get bruised and it hurts !
My hurts are centering around the heart and self-image. I am mad at myself, kind of hate parts of myself and I even feel like I deserve to be punished for my "mistakes".
Now that's some icky kind of self-imposed pain, my friends !
But here is one thing I have learned,
one thing I know for absolutely true...
Pain is the Catalyst to Change.
I got pain because I forgot that I need to maintain my Self, through care, forgiveness, gentle acceptance and...you know what is coming,
My caring connection to my self got disrupted, like the power not reaching the appliance when there is a loose wire somewhere...
I got the pain because
So now I am in the shop.
Going in for some restoration and maintenance that I should have been doing all along.
This is going to include some hard work, like forgiving myself, and avoiding self-hate. Also some gentle tune ups like meditation, celebrating the good stuff about me more, eating better, and getting this sweet, oh so forgiving body moving more, etc...
It's going to take some time.
Every day is Day One.
And for this I am so very, very grateful !
(The quote on my postcard comes from the book "Happiness is an Inside Job: Practicing for a Joyful Life by Sylvia Boorstein, Ph.D.". The amazingly positive, always inspiring, and infinitely kind Snap from Tales From Twisty Lane, shared this little treasure on her blog this week, right at a moment that I sooooo needed to read it. It felt like a message being sent to me from Above through Snap's sweet voice. Thanks, Universe and Ms. Boorstein ! And thanks, sweet Snap !)