I Dream of Sea Turtles Swimming...

Do you have an animal that you consider your spirit guide or that you feel particularly connected to ?

For me that animal has been the sea turtle for a long time.

When I used to have trouble sleeping

or when I feel anxious,

I would visualize swimming on the back of a sea turtle

in the undercurrents of blue under the sea.

That gentle swaying flight felt so calming and quiet. Imagining it gives me strength some how.

I also loved the image I had of the turtle carrying its home on its back.

It could travel far and wide yet always feel at home.

I just love those beings so much and the symbolism they evoke.

This morning, I read this and listened to this and saw these,

and my heart is broken a million times over.

It just makes me feel so powerless...

How could we have let this happen ?

I know there are still miraculously beautiful and wonderful things happening in this world and I really am trying to keep the focus of my life on that.

But sometimes, it is just too much...

Here is my art for today...

Black sludge is covering my heart like it is covering their fins and their eyes and their mouths...

Today, I need to cry for my dream creatures and all the inhabitants of the ocean that we are destroying.

Deep sigh....

Maybe tomorrow, HOPE will fill me up again,

and cleanse the sludge away like DAWN Dish Washing Liquid...

Thank God there is always HoPe...

Tears Fall Down Monday

I am a little late today...


That is because I wasn't feeling it this morning.

I was feeling very sad.

Know what ?

It is okay to FEEL sad.

It is okay to feel sad some days and it doesn't mean that you are going to go back down to that deep, dark place.

There are just some things in life that are really sad.

I need to know that it is okay to feel it, to say I feel it, to share it with someone who gets it and gets me (thank you so much Dar - I love you !) and then keep moving on...

When you come back to this moment, it is all okay. I am sad but I am also okay...

And it is Monday so here we go...


FOR TODAY (Monday, June 22, 2009)

Outside my window...it is pissing rain again !!!!!!!!!!! That is anger, not sadness, lots of feeling going on today !

I am thinking...that I need to go back out in the rain and get some hamburger to make some spaghetti sauce and I don't feel like it.

I am thankful for...my friend Darlene, who was also having a bad morning and who is the best listening, commiserator, bitch time girlfriend I have !

From the kitchen...is supposed to be spaghetti sauce if I get off this computer and go and buy the hamburger and tomato paste I need.

I am wearing...a cute black t-shirt with ruffles, my jean capris, my "party on my feet" flip flops and two pig tails , not to mention perfect make up and all my funky jewelry - makes me smile on a sad day !

I am creating... permission for myself to FEEL what I feel, and not let it take over my world completely.

I am going...to finish this post and go and get the stuff at the grocery store, 'cause other wise I will feel crappy that I didn't.

I am reading...The Last Olympian by Rick Riordan. This is the 5th and final book of this Percy Jackson Series of kids books and I love the humor and style of it. Still looking for funny uplifting fiction to read so please give me any suggestions if you have them !

I am hoping...that the forecast for sunny weather in the 90's in Montreal this week is true as I am heading there Wednesday am.

I am hearing.... the rain, rain, rain dripping off the gutters, falling on the deck and the wind blowing it all around.

Around the house...it is dark, and seems like nap time for everyone except for me.

One of my favorite things...my two pigtails hairdo that I discovered this morning in my gloom. It may just be my new hairdo for the summer. Is 43 too old to wear two pigtails ? Good ! I always wanted to be a rebel ! ;)

A few plans for the rest of the week: make spaghetti sauce, pack and do laundry and clean the house tomorrow to get ready for my trip, leave Wednesday for one week in Montreal and in Mont Tremblant where I will get to see the sweet Katie and the rest of my wonderful peeps.

Here's 2 picture shots I am sharing :

Since I will be away for self portrait Wednesday, here's me with my new hairdo.

I like it ! The great thing about being an artist is

that you can kind of get away with this, right ?Maybe ?

Finally, here's the journal page I did today during my sadness. I really loved just being with the feeling and letting the page just happen. I felt lucky that I got to just play with my paints while I was feeling crappy and didn't have to really face anything else. I am very grateful for that time in the studio, just being, and feeling, am letting it out however it comes...

"Dealing with Tears" - art journal page, June 22, 2009

Click to enlarge...

"More than once, I've awakened with tears running down my cheeks.

I have had to think whether I am crying or whether it is

involuntary, like drooling." - Jenny Holzer

I hope your Monday is good. And if it is sad, or hard, or angry, I hope you let yourself feel that, and know that you are okay anyway. You are not broken. And you are not alone.

See ya tomorrow, a new day, right ?