Friday, November 2, 2012

Haiku My Heart–Three Small Birds

Despair’s teeth sunk in.

Three small birds rescued my heart.

I am free to love.

***********

Kyara

Yesterday, we got the news that our nephew’s Mike’s 7 year old daughter Kyara had died from injuries suffered in a horrible car accident.

We were not very close to this sweet little girl because of complicated family issues

but she was a very loved member of the Mailhot family. I especially remember the wonderful bubbly “little girl” energy she always brought to family gatherings and how much laughter there was when she is with us.

My heart aches for all of those who loved this little girl, taken from us way too soon, and in such a senseless way.

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(candle on my altar for Kyara)

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It seems to me that there were a lot of things this week that didn’t make any sense.

As a highly sensitive individual, I sometimes get overwhelmed with how much horror, sadness, loss and pain there is in this world. 

If you know me at all, you know that my life mantra is “Love is the answer to every question.”

I know this is true.

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And yet, when the horrible, sad, scary, senseless stuff piles up so high around me,

I sometimes forget that truth.

I let despair sink its cruel teeth into me, and try and drag me down into its depths.

I have to say that after the news of Kyara’s passing yesterday,

despair definitely got hold of me.

It was a very grey day in spite of the sun. I felt sad, lost, angry, helpless, useless and beaten down.

I woke up this morning, again feeling sad,  lost, angry, helpless, useless and beaten down.

I was struggling just to perform the simple morning “mommy duties” here, and was mostly wishing to take a pill to shut down my brain, go back to bed, and pull the sheets up over my head for some indefinite amount of time…

Instead, with a little help from my amazing husband, who is going through his own grieving and sadness, I managed to get duties done, pour myself some coffee, and head into the studio to the computer.

That’s when they saved me.

I have this bird feeder that is now hanging from the very center of our gazebo frame on the back deck. The way it is hung has made it squirrel proof but it hasn’t had too much feeding action yet. I guess the birds haven’t been aware of its presence.

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Well, they were this morning.

Just when I really needed them to be.

Not only were a bunch of little common finches and sparrows around, but I heard the magic twitter of my little favs, the chickadees, and suddenly, there they were, three of them all on the feeder at the same time. Twittering and eating away.

I love those little birds ! I felt joy at seeing them there.

I felt joy, in spite of the sadness, loss, helpless, hopeless crap.

Now, I can imagine many people saying “Whoopdidoo, Kim!”

I can even imagine myself saying that to me !

But this morning, those three little birds with their glorious “chickadee bee bee” twitter and their sweet, little black heads saved me.

I know today is going to be hard, and that I am going to have to keep looking towards the light to keep me from falling back down lower into those depths of despair.

But if those three little birds can bring me such tender sweet joy in my heart, there are a lot of other sweet, loving, beautiful things in this world that can too.

And heck, I don’t want to miss that ! That is the sweet stuff of living. Our one main purpose for being here on this crazy, bittersweet, beautiful planet. This my heart knows.

So from this very tender place, I am sending you, and myself,

Big Love, Beautiful Ones.

chickadee

(Chickadee love – December 2011)

Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you”.

~ Bob Marley

22 comments:

Sherry said...

(((Kim))) how could you not feel despair? How could you not feel overwhelmed with the sadness and the senselessness of a young child losing her life? I know that you do not want to fall into the black hole of depression and blackness...and I don't believe that you will. I know that you and that sweet man of yours will hold one another and help one another through the grief and the overwhelming anger that accompanies tragedy. I know that you seeing those birds was the sign that there is still love and joy in the world and within your own personal world.

Time will walk you through it all...to feel, to express your emotions (your art will allow you to do that) from despair and anger and rage to love and beauty and joy...because yes, as you know, LOVE is always the answer.

Sending armfuls of love to you and David and your entire extended family. <3

Marit said...

View the birds, feel the love coming to you from all over the world surfing on digital waves... sending you lots of it dear one. Love is the answer, indeed.

Olivia said...

I too send you extra Big Love today. I don't think anyone who comes here wouldn't see what a beautiful thing it is to be healed by sweet birds, gentle nature, and the love (albeit in small ways) that can break through at such a tragic time. Wishing you more grace in small things and love breaking through as you and your family grieves, xoO

Snap said...

Kim, you should feel sadness with the passing of this beautiful young girl. Grieving is a difficult passage and different for all of us. I believe that finding compassion, healing and love in Nature is one of the things that binds us to the universe and to each other. When one hurts, we all hurt. Peace, love and light to you and yours.

Spadoman said...

And you, my sweet friend, have saved me today with this post. A wild bird doesn't often come to the human form. They have a special in stint and they can sense that you are a good one. They energize, and you send it out to others, unselfishly. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am sending positive energy your way for whoever needs it. Take what you need and pass on the rest as the flow is continuous.

Much Peace.

jgr said...

Oh Kim,
I am SO sorry for the loss of this sweet, beautiful girl. It is devastating, yet you will get through it b/c of your lovely sensitive heart. I'm sending you many hugs and healing thoughts. Take care my friend.

kimmie said...

I'm so very sorry for your family's loss ... and for the complicated issues lurking in the background ... maybe this will mark a turning point for some of those issues. I'm certain a seven year old's heart would hope so.

irene said...

I can feel you heart stretched toward the grief and loss and then later after hearing the sweet bird songs, to the joy. Your words, so honest and brave, have touch me today. Hugs to you.

beth said...

kim, i hope the thoughts and prayers i've sent your way have arrived and you're feeling them....

having just been in this same place myself, i know how you're feeling.

take care of you, so you can take care of your hubby and anyone else who needs your shining spirit to surround them.

hugs to you, my big hearted and sensitive spirited girl !

Nadeja said...

Love coming your way from everywhere!!! Life is so giving! You are so giving! Those three little birds are giving! Thank you for sharing your precious heart! I love you Kimmy girl! mom xoxoxoxox

Kate I said...

Kim, I'm so very sorry for your family's terrible loss and am sending loving thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

We find solace and inspiration in so many places when we're open to seeing. Birds especially bring so much joy when we see them for the joy bringers and healers that they are. Blessings and hugs to you.

Mary said...

Dear Kim, I am so very sorry...such a horrible loss! Sometimes it the little glimpses of simple joys that help lift the sadness, that helps us to know in spite of overwhelming sadness there is still life I be lived...

praying for peace and comfort to all...

Corrine at sparkledaysstudio.com said...

So sorry Kim, sometimes things in this world just don't make sense, ever. I am glad those three little birds flew to comfort you and bring you some peace. My thoughts are with your family....such a loss of glowing life. xox

Fallingladies said...

So sorry to hear such a sad thing happened... Glad your 3 birds could help for even a while...i am not a huggy person in general but wish i could give you and yours a hug today!

SueAnn Lommler said...

What a precious pic of the birdie on your hand! They are precious...He sends little messengers to us when we need them the most. But most days, the messages of love surround us and we just miss them. Sigh!
Glad you didn't miss this one
Hugs and love
SueAnn

girlunwinding said...

That is definitely a favorite song of mine. 7 years old is young and yet it is not ours to question her time here. It was her time and my only hope is that she lived those 7 years with all the love and joy that only a 7 year old can and those memories will be what gets the family through and on to better days, for Kyara's sake. Your words of pulling yourself out of despair by holding on to what you KNOW to be true is a beautiful reminder to everyone. Love is all that there really is, it is the only reality in the Universe. Continue seeking those joyful moments with MUCH love and many blessings to you Kim.
Peace~
Dawn

girlunwinding said...

That is definitely a favorite song of mine. 7 years old is young and yet it is not ours to question her time here. It was her time and my only hope is that she lived those 7 years with all the love and joy that only a 7 year old can and those memories will be what gets the family through and on to better days, for Kyara's sake. Your words of pulling yourself out of despair by holding on to what you KNOW to be true is a beautiful reminder to everyone. Love is all that there really is, it is the only reality in the Universe. Continue seeking those joyful moments with MUCH love and many blessings to you Kim.
Peace~
Dawn

Elena said...

Oh Queen...a message indeed from a little soul perhaps that spread love while she was here? I understand how easy it is to get dragged down and how much work it takes to keep the balance. But the love you spread and remind us of make it easier each time.

bacon said...

holding you gently in the warmest part of my heart

Erin K said...

Was just looking around at some blogs when I passed through to your beautiful one. I am so sorry to read about this tragic loss of such a gorgeous looking little girl. I extend my very deep sympathy to you and this girl's family and extend my heart with gentle hugs.

Chel said...

Love you, love you, love you. *huge giant hugs*

Kate said...

So happy that birds could give you such joy at a time of sadness. My feeders always give me such delight. Sorry to hear of the loss of this beautiful child. Such sadness is hard to take some days. I am ever grateful to have art and friendship to keep me sane in those kinds of days. Holding you in my hear today.

Big Love,
Kate