Morning Glories...

(Art journal page - Knocking from Inside

August 2009)

So it looks like I didn't get that part time job. At least they said they would be in touch at the beginning of the week and it is now Thursday, which is the end of the week, right ? I could call them to check things out, but I think I already know the answer.

So this job...it was perfect in only a few ways ...

The part time hours fit my schedule so perfectly and I would still have time for all my own art stuff going on. Also it was in a familiar place, and it kind of fell into my lap. It would have meant just enough cash to make things easier around here financially - you know, cash for extras that has simply disappeared as the economy went into the crapper...

But did this job make my heart happy ?

No.

Did this job feel like it was a move towards my biggest dream ?

No.

Did this job feel like a place where I could really shine my light, and be seen for the bright light that I am ?

I don't think so.

Now, some people may say no job would do all of those things. In my true heart, I know that that is not true. I have had jobs before that have really let me shine, hard jobs with their share of crap involved, but that felt like I was moving forward in them, forward towards being a better me, and where I knew I was in the right place to make a difference.

When it started to settle in that I probably wasn't going to get this job, my first reaction was a return to an old pattern.

I started thinking "What did I do wrong ?"

"Why didn't they like me ?"

"Did I screw this up ?"

"Is David going to be disappointed that I didn't get it, and blame me ?"

Ewwww !

While I fought with these "insanity" thoughts, a voice came through it all from deep inside me.

"This was not the place for you right now."

"Your light needs to shine, you know that now.

The place for that is around the corner, if you just keep doing the work."

"You did not do anything wrong !"

Ohhhh, I love that voice ! It has been gaining strength over the past few months and man, is it better to LIVE with than those ugly insanity thoughts.

My lovely, lovely friend Sherry at Everyday Possibilities and I have been talking about the difference between learning some truths and knowing them.

Life keeps giving you the lessons to learn by until you finally KNOW. I am feeling like the KNOWing is happening this morning.

And that, my friends, is one hell of a Morning Glory !

(Morning Glories - from my back deck container garden)