Sunday, July 27, 2008

What I Am Doing on My Summer Vacation - It Ain't All Pretty !

Does this happen to you ? When you are having a hard time on the inside, your home reflects it ? You feel blue, so those huge dust bunnies in the corner seem comforting rather than annoying ? You run the dishwasher only because you have no forks left in the drawer ? The piles of clutter around the edges of the counters and tables are like the stupid bad thoughts that are cluttering up your brain ?

This is what has been happening around my house this summer. I have also noticed it on my blog - it has been feeling messy and uncared for like the rest of my world ! The good news is that I reached the bottom of my blues pit last week and I can feel myself heading slowly back upwards ! I am far from flying high but I surely do see that light and feel it warming me back into living ...

The bottom was pretty yucky to say the least !!! I hate that place ! I haven't been that low in a long, long time and was really hoping I never would be... but anyways.... You know how the only good thing about a headache is the relief you get when it finally goes away ? That is the same kind of relief I am feeling now. I am even well enough to start think about what lessons I learned from my voyage to the DARK PLACE, and what were the silver linings in the whole thing.
Here are a few of the the many lessons I learned :

Lesson 1 - You are so very loved. ( nice one, eh ?)

Lesson 2 - It is ok to grieve and in fact, it is necessary to feel that pain of loss before you can go back to working on being whole. Letting yourself feel it all takes courage but is the right way to do it ! (otherwise, it will get you eventually !!!! Beware !)

Lesson 3 - ABBA and Girlfriends (along with Hubbies from Heaven) can save lives ! (Go see Mamma Mia asap ! )

And the biggest SILVER LINING I have found so far is that I quit smoking.....
I mean I QUIT SMOKING !!!!
I know, I know, many of you will be so grossed out that I was still smoking..... I know, I know, I was really B A D !!! Whatever !!!!

Today is DAY 6 of my non-smoking life. The first three days were the easiest. My motivation ? Fear of dying ! I honestly felt that if I smoked for one more day, I was going to die. I have felt that before and somehow ignored it, believe it or not! But this time, it just clicked. That is what my ex-smoker friends told me would happen. When you are ready, it will just click. Didn't believe them then but I guess I do now. I told my doctor I quit and she was as excited as can-be ! She even clapped her hands like a little girl. She also said I should yell it from the roof tops - both to be proud of myself and to reinforce my commitment to the change. So I yelled it out , already..... I think Friday was the hardest day so far - I was alone a lot, and I was feeling better emotionally, and the cravings were intense but I made it through with lots of Smart Water, a couple of lollipops and a few phone calls to the Hubby when I was feeling weak. YAY ! KIMBO !!!!

And now back to our regularily scheduled programming :
So needless to say, there hasn't been a whole lot of creation going on the the Queen of Arts studio for the last little while. I did start following the art journal prompts from Sarah at Caspiana (see previous post) which has been about all I could handle. I liked having some one else guide me for a while... I have gotten as far as Day 12 where Sarah encouraged us to create our "house" and our "neighorhood" in a two-page spread in our journals. I actually love, love love, how mine turned out ! My house is by the sea, with like-minded and much loved neighbors living close by. My House is bright, beautiful, colorful and full of whimsy - just like me....the real me... the me I am re-discovering again now that I am back from the DARK PLACE..... welcome home, Kimbo, welcome home.....

"My house is a very very very fine house..."


Anonymous said...

HOORAY!!!!!! Down with smoking up with living! GOOD FOR YOU!

Olivia said...

I'm glad you're feeling better, Kim. Believe me, I totally understand. I'm the same way.

CONGRATULATIONS on quitting smoking! Yay! Hip hip hooooooray! You will have a whole new life and a whole new body!! People say it will be the hardest thing you ever do.

Beautiful journal, GREAT post!!




thailandchani said...

Congrats on quitting smoking! That's wonderful!

The art work here is very attractive.

Suzan Buckner said...

These pages are wonderful!! I love them!!


Anne said...

I adore these pages! They are so whimsical and cheerful. I haven't started on my house and neighborhood pages yet... I'm just about to. But seeing yours is so inspiring! Thanks for sharing them!