I am all over the place but it feels good !

"K i m b o, where are y o u ????"

I am here. I am just kind of all over the place. There is a lot going on and most of it is really good. I am just struggling to keep focused in all the wonderful things that are presenting themselves to me to choose from.

I have to remember that I don't have to say "yes" to everything in the hopes that that is the thing that will take me where I am going. I figured out yesterday at meditation class that I need to be "at peace" with my decisions. Another words, if I stop and ask myself "Does this feel like something you can feel your heart and soul sing about doing ?" If the answer is yes, then I agree to it. If the answer is no, then I go to "Imagine you are at the end of your life. Do you think you will live to regret not doing this if you say no ?". If I feel like I will have regrets, then I do the thing - if I feel like it will mean nothing in the end, I say "No.". I feel like I can get some peace about my decisions this way.

I will be working at putting this one to the test today in this exciting and new time for me. Wish me luck !

Singer Napping on the daybed last spring,

Rest in Peace, sweet old Lady.

So last week, we lost our sweet Singer cat. In the end, we got assistance from the vet to help Singie leave her old body behind. She was struggling, we were struggling and David, as Singer's human being, made the decision to get some help. It was a hard decision, of course, but the right one for us. Singer left the world so peacefully, with the hands of people she loved gently touching her and whispering how good she was, and on the cozy, soft blanket she lay on was a little rock with the words "precious one". I know she is purring and singing her Singie song up there in heaven now.

Things were of course very tender here this weekend. One of the things we did to sooth our hearts a little was to go here :

The sights, smells and sounds of the ocean do a lot of healing.

Plus we were there together, me and my sweet man.

Just sitting and watching and breathing feels sooo good.

And you get to see stuff that makes you smile, like the powerful stance on this seagull.

"I am Super Seagull !"

We took the time to share some extra t.l.c. while we were there...

(notice the straight line formed from our kiss to the rock and then to the seagull

- cool huh ?)

Oh and here is a shot of the graffiti on the beach wall. ;)

Hurting heart ? Head to the beach if you can. Smooch with a loved one even better !

Hearts feeling better a little at a time...

I have been doing quite a bit of art work but I can't share it here for two reasons. Most of it was finishing up creating a journal for my lovely friend Arlene in Alberta as part of our Canadian Chickies Swap. The journal is on its way to her now and I don't want to spoil the surprise. I also forgot to scan it in or take any photos of it at all as I was late getting it out in the mail and packaged it up before I thought about that part !!!! I hate it when I do that !

Hopefully, Arlene will take a few shots for me before she plays in it ! It turned out really well and I did a few pages inspired by the journal play I did with Judy Wise at Squam which turned out great !

And speaking of Judy, I did do some work on the en caustic piece I did in her Transparent Layers class. We had only a few outlets to use our heat guns with in the Sap House classroom at Squam so I didn't get to finish my melting on the beeswax and making it into a nice smooth layer over all of my collage. Here is what it looks like after a bit of work at home :

"She wanted to save the world but she could only save herself."

- en caustic collage piece - Sept. 2009)

The wax is still a little thick in places for my liking

but it does kind of look "space-like" so I may leave it like this.

Detail

(Carolyn gave me the fantastic face with the head piece from her images. I must ask her where it came from. I changed up the hair. The bunny is my own drawing. The entire main figure was inspired by a piece that Judy did showing a woman holding a chicken in her arms. The hands came from that piece as Judy gave us a copy of it to work with.)

The last bouquet of flowers from my back deck container garden.

So this fall is proving to be a really full one for me. Between the lessons I learned about myself through Squam, the wonderful, wonderful friends I have made as a result of putting myself out there in my search for a community of like-minded peeps, and the opportunities to create postive change in my life and my world that are coming up all around me, I feel the true feeling of harvest ! I am a Fall baby after all (October 9th I will be 44 - WOW!), so maybe it makes sense that it is all coming together in this season for me.

What I do know for sure is that I am sooooo very grateful for it all. I feel blessed in so many ways and I am looking forward to spreading the blessings around ! This Big Heart Walking is still on the move !

(David spotted this rock when we first got to the beach - how perfect is that !

Better than a bouquet of flowers any day for the Rock Fairy in me !)

Big Love on this glorious Tuesday, Beautiful Ones !

Some Gifts for Today...

Some gifts for today...

This beautiful bloom greeted me in the sunbeam in my studio bay window this morning.

My hibiscus plant is about 4 years old and it spent the summer outside.

We brought it in last week when frost threatened.

I know it likes its sunny fall and winter window home.

I think it gave me this awesome gift today to let me know it !

And this was in the mail box this morning.

Check out the sender's label !!!!

Wrapped up inside was this gorgeous thing!

A silver bracelet, especially engraved

inside and out for me from my dear, dear Writer-Lady Friend !

She also wrote me this beautiful note.

Yup, I cried.

I feel so special, and so loved, and so seen for just who I am.

That is some gift !

I am telling you once again,

if you ever feel unsure about whether you are loved,

give some loving out into the world.

Love on someone else

and that Love will come back to you ten-fold.

There is no doubt in me that

Love is the answer

to every single question.

So David and I are putting some extra big love on this little lady today.

This is Singer.

She is twenty-one years old.

David is Singer's human,

and she puts up with rubs and loving from me when he isn't around.

Singer is in the process of leaving her body today,

and we are sitting in loving vigil for her

and celebrating the long, long life she has had,

and the joy and love that she has brought into the world.

I know my Big Black Cat, Georgie, will meet her on the other side

and show her the ropes and share his chair with her.

Hug your kitty cats and other sweet loved ones close today

in her honor, okay,

and take some time to celebrate those gifts.

Much love, beautiful Ones.

Simple Grey & Blue Monday

FOR TODAY (Monday, May 18th, 2009)...

Outside my window...it is kind of greyish, white-ish and definitely too cold for May 18th at 43 degrees ! Those maples leaves and the green are something though !

I am thinking...that I am missing friends and family and even David who only left for work an hour ago. I often get this way after a trip back home. It is kind of lonely here sometimes...

I am thankful for...the phone and my unlimited long distance plan ! It is Victoria Day in Canada and everyone will be off and home on a Monday morning to chat !

From the kitchen...radishes ! I guess they are in season somewhere nearby because they have arrived in the grocery store in all of their glorious red ! Love them with just a little sea salt - like red and white crunchy candies !

I am wearing...my red nightgown, my green El Naturalista clogs and my glasses. Sexy, huh ?

I am creating... space for new experiences to come into my life.

I am going...to get my 6 month supply of new contact lenses and I think the craft store next door just may be calling my name...can you say "retail therapy" ?

I am reading... Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman for the ump-teenth time. I saw the movie on tv again recently and the book re-surfaced soon after to dive into again.

I am hoping...for sun and warmth to make my flowers grow and my heart feel better.

I am hearing...a large crow cawing in the treetops nearby. What's the message, Mr. Crow ?

Around the house...there are dust bunnies I have named Dusty, Sneezy and Grey.

One of my favorite things...my white Elmer's Painters opaque paint marker with the Ultra Fine Tip - a joy to journal with !

A few plans for the rest of the week: meditation tonight, and tomorrow, a meeting at Barnes and Noble with a new lady who responded to the ad my friend Lois and I placed on Craig's List for arty women available during the day to hang out and do arty stuff. I need a local community of artists that I can play with and see face to face !!!!! Desperate times call for desperate measures...

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...

This is Singer, our 20 year old cat, curled into a nest

on the daybed in David's office to keep her old bones warm,

but to be close by the human she loves best. What more could you want

in your old age ?

Grace in small things... Happy Monday - don't mind the mess !