17 Years Gone By...

Seventeen years ago today,
my Dad's spirit left the world.
I feel him strongly today.
I wish I could have one big, cozy, warm Daddy hug in his big, strong arms. The best hugs I have ever had in my life.
Fly high and free, beautiful Man Spirit.
I love you, Daddy.

Share the Joy Thursday–Gratitude in Being

All is well in my little corner of the world.

I am surrounded by Love.

And It radiates out of me.

I am full of creative juices waiting to be let free to flow.

I know I am not alone on this journey.

I have the love and support of those traveling with me.

And the guidance, love and experience of those who went before me as well.

While the Sun may not always be shining,

I know that there is a Light that is always present.

I love this Beautiful Life.

And I am grateful just to

***********************************

My Dad would have been 70 years old today, if he hadn’t died 15 years ago.

This song reminds me of him probably more than any other song in the world.

He loved Neil Young.

I love the line :

“Old Man, look at my life. I’m a lot like you were.”

I see my Father in me. And I am grateful that he lives on in me.

This version of the song is so beautiful and pure. RIP, Daddy.

 

I hope that you find the many wonderful things that are right in your world today, Beautiful Ones.

Big Love !

15 Years Ago Today.

This is a photo of my Dad and me at my high school graduation.

It was 29 (gulp) years ago.

I was 16.

This is a picture of my Dad about 5 or so years before he died.

He was about 50 in the photo.

Yves de Broin,

Born - March 24th, 1941, Died - March 3rd, 1996

My Dad died 15 years ago today.

He was 54 and I was 30.

All these years mean that my Dad has missed most of the most important things that happened to me in my adult life.

It  has been 15 years filled with changes and events and growing that he did not live through with me.

And yet, in many ways , his passing feels so much more recent.

Strange things, time and loss…

March 3rd will always be a sad day for me.

But a day I can still find gratitude and appreciation for so much.

A day where I think about all I have become and how much I wish I could share with him.

A day that I give thanks for the gifts he gave me and for the good times, the loving and memories.

The day that I miss him very much and wish so much he could at least come for a visit

and give me one of those hugs that only your Daddy can give you.

A day of joy and sorrow, if that makes any sense…

Thinking of you, loving you, and missing you, my Daddy.

And sending extra special love to others who are missing him today too.

xoxo

Kimbo.

The third Sunday in June...

Dad and Me, High School Graduation, 1983

Happy Father's Day to all the Dads out there !

Thankfulness Thursday - Heart Healing

So I awoke this morning to a really bad nightmare. (Or a day mare, I guess as it was just before 6:00am). The dream was so vivid and horrible and hard to shake off. I woke up sobbing and shaking. David took me in his arms and held me, which usually works to banish any bad dreams away, but this one kept flashing in my head and making me feel all the feelings of the dream over and over.

The dream was about my Dad. I have dreamed of him being hurt or even dying many times since he died 14 years ago. I have also dreamed of him "visiting"me and where things are peaceful and sweet, but most often, when I dream of him, it is in this traumatic way.

It makes sense to me as his dying was the worst thing that has even happened to me. I was only 30 when he died. He left us much too soon. I also had my share of issues with him that I have gone on to try and resolve on my own. I have always said that my Dad was the person I loved the most and also hated the most in my life. I know now that the hate is over and healed but he still was the most challenging relationship of my life.

So why is this a topic for Thankfulness Thursday or my Weekly Gratitude piece ?

Because today, and every day, I am so grateful for our incredible ability to heal ourselves.

This morning, as I described the dream to my mom, I realized that we are coming into the exact time of year when my Dad was dying. He died on March 3rd. The month of February was full of trauma and fear and uncertainty that year as we went through the process with him. It is strange how some years the pain is worse than others - some years it has been close to pain-free. But this year, I obviously needed to heal some more of that big hurt and my whole being - even my unconscious mind, was going to make sure I did it !

This morning, I had a good, deep, cry for the loss of my Dad. I asked those unanswerable "why ?" questions. I was sad. I mourned a little bit more. I did a page in my journal in honor of the day's feelings. I lit a candle to send a message of love to his spirit. I know I am going to continue this process throughout the day and for as long as I need to.

Today, I used my heart, my mind, my body

and my being's incredible powers for healing,

and I healed one more little piece of

that big, big, hurt.

And for that,

I am very thankful.

I know I am usually a much more upbeat type of blogger, but I am also a honest one. While I try to focus on what is right in my world, I also don't want to ignore or deny the harder stuff we all face in this life. I think we have a lot of work to do to help one another mourn better in this society. Feeling those feelings of hurt and loss is a natural part of our life as human beings, just as feeling joy and love are. While I am not grateful for the hurt or the loss, I am grateful of the places that healing the hard stuff takes me to.

It's all part of being a Big Heart Walking, I guess...

Wishing you sweet moments of healing too, Beautiful Ones...

Thank you for the rainbows, Daddy.

So today is the 13th anniversary of my Dad's death. It is strange how when you lose someone, some years the anniversaries are harder or more poignant than others. This year, there is a real bittersweetness to how I am feeling. In our time together on this Earth, our father/daughter relationship definitely had its ups and downs. But this year as I remember him, I feel the need to make a bit of a tribute to my Dad...to light the usual candle, to mark the day and to say a few things about him through this, my farthest reaching forum.

Daddy - Circa 1994

While blog visiting this morning, I can across Sherry's (Everyday Possibilities) post, where she was pondering the differences between living your life and experiencing your life. As I read the post, it came to me that that is the greatest gift that my father gave to me and to my two younger sisters. He taught us to experience life, not just live it.

Daddy and me - Circa 1969

Daddy and me - My High School Graduation - 1983

He taught us to smell the moss and lichen on the wooden paths we walked on. He made us watch the wide and beautiful wingspan of a hawk as it flew over our heads. He showed us the wonders of night skies filled with shooting stars, as glorious as any fireworks show. He would awaken us early on Sunday mornings to the sounds of Vivaldi's Spring, full blast ! Or encourage us to dance like mayday nymphs to the Stones' "She's Like A Rainbow" on the front lawn at the cottage.

(Magritte inspired Stained Glass by my Dad - hanging in my studio)

He reminded us to stop and enjoy the sweet touches of a warm summer breeze on your face or the cold tingly refresher that lake water gives your skin when you go night swimming . He taught us what food tastes like when it is made with love and with care for how it will feel in your mouth. He taught us to appreciate art and architecture and the splendors of nature's many landscapes. He taught us through his own love of all of these things. He taught us by example.

(My Dad's House - marker and ink drawing by my Dad 1978)

My Father taught us how to experience life through all of our senses and to acknowledge and appreciate the beauty of things all around us. What better lesson could any parent wish to teach their children ? He was far from perfect as a parent. What hope does any parent have of being perfect in this imperfect world ? But he taught us this one lesson so very perfectly. Experience life, my girls, experience life.

Here are a few of the hundreds Daddy Memory Tunes to experience, if you feel like it. Here's to you, beautiful Daddy, "Thank You, Father !"

Shes like a rainbow - Rolling Stones

"Teach Your Children Well" - A Memory Tune

This post is part of a Music Week or Blog-A-Long started by LK at the Poetic Eye. She suggested that we post a link to a song that evoked a memory in us.

This is my Daddy. Yves de Broin.

He has been gone since March 3, 1996. That's 13 years this year.

Now he is my white haired angel, still teaching me...

I could have chosen a hundred songs that reminded me of my Dad. He was a huge music lover, from old Classic Rock stuff (Neil Young and Dylan were his favs I think) to classical pieces he learned to love from his own Father. He taught all three of us girls to love music, to know its many moods and gifts.

I chose this song because it was one of our favorites to listen to as a foursome, Daddy and his three girls, driving along a road to somewhere...

where he could teach us...

Enjoy the Blog-a-Long ! Happy Thankful Thursday !

I love you, Daddy.