Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Beauty is as Beauty Does ?

Art Journal Page - "Beauty Queen"

(Dress and face original artwork by me, legs and arms from an Oprah magazine photo)

How many times in your life have you felt truly beautiful ?

I feel like I was beautiful for about 10 minutes out of 43 years. Okay, on a good day, maybe enough hours here and there to make up a couple of days worth of beauty. Not such a sweet average!

Yesterday, I had an ugly day. You know the kind when you just really don't like what you see in the mirror at all. In fact, you kind of hate it. It may be because it is spring and time to change into a lighter wardrobe, show a little more skin, and have less layers to hide the multitude of pounds gained from quitting smoking in the past year. Whatever the cause, I was feeling UG--LEE !!!

I am an artist, and I am a seeker of beauty. I see it everywhere, in people, in nature, in man-made things, in moments... I even really see the beauty in my own creations a lot of the time. I think I make truly beautiful things. But I honestly have to say that I rarely, almost never, see myself as beautiful.

I have been taking a lot of pictures of myself lately for self portraits and things. It has been hard to see the results of those photo shoots sometimes. I don't like the woman in the photos very much, other than her eyes and sometimes her face. I sure as hell don't think she is beautiful !

I have been told that I am beautiful by others before. Dear ones, who love me, and really see me. When I hear those words, and see myself through their eyes, I may have a moment when I believe it.

I hope I find a way to believe it most of the time, instead of just for moments in time. Seems like a slight possibility some days - like on those super-ugly days. I think I would be happy with just not feeling ugly as often as I do. I think I will start there with the work anyway.

Will I ever feel truly beautiful ?

There is always HOPE.

(As I was pondering these beauty questions this morning, I came across this video clip at the wonderful and inspiring Brene Brown's blog, Ordinary Courage. Some more hope, I guess ! )

Have a beautiful day, Beautiful Ones !


sherry lee said...

I too love that video of Katherine's...poignant, and honest..yes?

Kim, we are all hard on ourselves. Well, that's not true...there are some women who believe the world rises, sets and revolves around them. How did they get to be that way?

What is it that holds us back? What is it about ourselves that we find it difficult to see our own beauty? Modesty? I don't think so.

You are not alone in your thinking and I'm glad that you posted this. It gives us something to go away and think about -- and hopefully correct our assumptions about ourselves and the flaws we seem to find, that others don't see at all.

Here is to our beauty my friend!! ♥

Jennifer said...

Hey there! So crazy that we are on the same page yet again. I was just thinking about making some changes...I don't know how I became the person in my pictures (not the pictures that are carefully chosen to post...the REAL ones).

I'll have to check out the video when I get home. In the mean time you sure are beautiful and thank you for being so honest about what a lot of us deal with!!

Olivia said...

Great post, great video, Kim. I know that I too struggle to see the beauty in myself. Not in others at all. But in myself, yes. Know that you are not alone, my queen. And of course, that although we struggle to see it, we are BEAUTIFUL :) xo, O

The Bodhi Chicklet said...

Wouldn't it be nice to see what other people see when they look at us? We tend to over scrutinize ourselves until all we see are the flaws. And those flaws are often what other people see as beauty - together as a package that is unique. I've been reading Patti Digh's, "Life is a Verb" and she does address this issue as well. For one day, try to not be so hard on yourself. Exercise that right at least once a month.

Anonymous said...

Clapping here and applauding your honesty! There are way too many times that I don't like what I see in the mirror or in a photo; I tend to avoid both. We are so much harder on ourselves than we are on others. Kim, you are awesomely beautiful. You radiate across the miles to my house; you just shine.

arlene said...

Kim, wait till you get your apron. Maybe you can put it on and feel like I do when I put mine on...beautiful! I could wear mine all day long, and I swear, though I don't feel like it any other time, I feel perfect in it!
You are YOU, and you ARE beautiful.