Art Journal Page - "Beauty Queen"
(Dress and face original artwork by me, legs and arms from an Oprah magazine photo)
How many times in your life have you felt truly beautiful ?
I feel like I was beautiful for about 10 minutes out of 43 years. Okay, on a good day, maybe enough hours here and there to make up a couple of days worth of beauty. Not such a sweet average!
Yesterday, I had an ugly day. You know the kind when you just really don't like what you see in the mirror at all. In fact, you kind of hate it. It may be because it is spring and time to change into a lighter wardrobe, show a little more skin, and have less layers to hide the multitude of pounds gained from quitting smoking in the past year. Whatever the cause, I was feeling UG--LEE !!!
I am an artist, and I am a seeker of beauty. I see it everywhere, in people, in nature, in man-made things, in moments... I even really see the beauty in my own creations a lot of the time. I think I make truly beautiful things. But I honestly have to say that I rarely, almost never, see myself as beautiful.
I have been taking a lot of pictures of myself lately for self portraits and things. It has been hard to see the results of those photo shoots sometimes. I don't like the woman in the photos very much, other than her eyes and sometimes her face. I sure as hell don't think she is beautiful !
I have been told that I am beautiful by others before. Dear ones, who love me, and really see me. When I hear those words, and see myself through their eyes, I may have a moment when I believe it.
I hope I find a way to believe it most of the time, instead of just for moments in time. Seems like a slight possibility some days - like on those super-ugly days. I think I would be happy with just not feeling ugly as often as I do. I think I will start there with the work anyway.
Will I ever feel truly beautiful ?
There is always HOPE.
(As I was pondering these beauty questions this morning, I came across this video clip at the wonderful and inspiring Brene Brown's blog, Ordinary Courage. Some more hope, I guess ! )
Have a beautiful day, Beautiful Ones !