Thursday, January 15, 2009

Thankfulness Thursday - Trust the Path

(2008 journal page)

"You can Trust the Path unfolding Before You."

(Jen Lemen Trust Card this morning)

I was thirty-one when I got my driver's license. I lived in a big city all my life with a great transport system and I had friends and boyfriends with cars. I just didn't need it until then.

When it was time to take my my practical driving test , I had "the Mean Tester Guy". You know the one you see coming in with young girls and guys crying behind him because he had just failed them ? I said to my friend while we were waiting "I hope I don't get him !", knowing in my soul that I was absolutely going to get him as my tester ! No doubt at all!

That Tester Guy was a lean, mean, keen testing machine. I drove, he watched, took notes, made no comments, not a word of encouragement, not a cracked smile, nothing. Then when I had done my parallel parking and we had stopped, he asked me if he could ask me something. At this point, I just wanted to know if I had passed or failed since I had had no reaction from him the whole way through. I said, "Yes?" kind of impatiently. He asked :

"Why do you drive like someone is chasing you ? Do you live like that too ?"

At the time, I was so annoyed, and I had had enough of "Mean Tester Guy" ! Who did this Guy think he was ! So I replied "What, did I go too fast somewhere ? Did I fail ?????". MTG kind of sighed and then said "No, you got 89% - you pass.". With that, our lovely time together was over and we walked back into the license bureau to complete the paperwork. At least I wasn't crying like the last three people he had walked in with !

But you know what ? Mean Tester Guy's words still ring in my head to this day - 12 years later. He is so right - he saw it so clearly after being with me for those twenty minutes in that car. I am so very often running through life like someone is chasing me! I drive that way (not fast, but like I need to move out of the way, like someone is watching and judging, always questioning if I am driving the "right" way, wanting to be the "Good" driver) because I live that way most of the time !

I think whatever has been chasing me is catching up. This is a good thing. I am tired of trying to outrun it, so very tired. Being human means facing messy human life stuff - this is one of my times in life to do that, I guess.

How I face it is the stuff of Spirit. I can face it by looking only at the dark side or I can face it with my spirit turned upwards, asking for help, guidance, love and support from the light within and around. That's how I am trying to do it, face this deep dark stuff by shining a big fat light on it.

Just like Mean Tester Guy, the hard stuff is here to teach me. I am still figuring out what this lesson is all about but I will get there, I think. And for these lessons, my Soul is truly grateful.


Commuter's Journal said...

I know that Oprah is always saying that people are put into our lives to teach us, but I think this is evidence she may be right. MTG seems to have been an important teacher.

I have a theory about struggle. I think we only struggle when we resist the lesson we are being taught. I'm so stubborn by nature that it's hard to open up and listen. But that's what I'm working on -- opening up to saying YES to the lessons in my life. It's reassuring to know that I'm not alone in the journey.

Anonymous said...

WOW...this is a really deep post. MTG...who knew? Lots of "meat" here to think about...thanks, Kim...and BTW- great page. :)

Lisa said...

Wow, that is a great post. I just wandered over here from Reality Insanity, and I am so glad I did.

I love that you were open to the lesson even from a little imp like him!

Genie Sea said...

I had the same Mean Guy in my driving test. They are clones! Like the Stepford Mean Guys! LOL

Here is something strange. I am working on this piece in my "graphic novel" series: a woman is walking on the street looking behind her, frightened like she is being chased. What's chasing her is her shadow. I will post it as soon as I am done. Your post reminded me of it :)

Anonymous said..., Kim, what a great story. And, what a great lesson to be learned. There's so much here to digest. You've given me much food for thought as you always do. I'm keeping you in my heart and prayers...and sending you love and stregth to face these life lessons.

Sandy..... said...

Love this page~ So often we get so focused on the chase, we forget what we were trying to achieve!

Swing by my blog, I've nominated you for an award!

Anonymous said...

That was a great story to read, I was with you all the way.
Good for you for not running....from someone who had done lots of that in the past.

Anonymous said...

wow kim... deep deep post indeed!!! it's very fabulous to see someone so connected with her inner voice and well i'll call it "stuff". being aware of it all, you can work with it and grow!!! thank you for sharing everything!!! your beautiful art, fun times and of course the struggles... which we ALL have. sending you healing loving vibes kim!!!

peace to you

arlene said...

Fabulous piece Kim. Wouldn't it be a fine, fine day to live like we have nothing in the world to fear? And really, I don't have anything to fear. Your post gave me a lot to think about. As usual.
xo arlene

Melissa said...

Your journal page is very deep. Isn't it strange that other people, who don't even know us, can say something that touches a boo-boo probably without really even knowing they're touching a boo-boo? Thank you for being so open and giving and lovely and beautiful and imperfect! Jennlui is right, we ALL have struggles and the only way out of them is through them. Here are 10 flashlights and a whole bag of extra batteries.


ps: my word verification is hearth...isn't that a lovely and warm word? Reminds me of YOU!

Joy Logan said...

Another fun journal page,it's addictive huh?